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    dots Submission Name: Gave Himdots

    Author: Tinasha
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Oklahoma City
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 100/142/41
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 957
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 858

       current situation is crappy and i wanted to find an expressive way to interpret it without using the word "I." was it a success? i dunno

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGave Himdots

    gave him
    first hug
    first kiss
    first love
    first base
    to please
    is a chase
    love does not endure
    not good enough
    love gives up

    just look somewhere else

    gave him
    second chance
    second glance
    second love
    second base
    to sneak
    a forbidden taste
    love does not linger
    not good enough
    love gives up

    just look somewhere else

    gave him
    final strike
    final likes
    final plunge
    home run
    well overdone
    love beaten senseless
    not good enough
    love gives up

    conclusion: just look somewhere else

    Submitted on 2005-03-07 20:24:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      just had to stop by again to view this...it fits so well with what i'm going through...it's a lil bit of a comfort to read these words and know someone else has at least thought the same way i feel...
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      definitely original...i loved the unique style you wrote this in and couldn't help but think of my first home run and strike out as well...

    all in all you get a bravo and i get a new fav!
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, good write. I think that without the format though, this never would have come off quite as good. Sounds pretty depressing, for you to seem to try so hard, yet youre getting little or nothing in return. It hurts, but dont ever give up, because in time, through patience and 'lingering' love always has the best of chances to come around knocking...so expect it, dont give up, much as it seems theres nothing else to do but to give up. good thoughts, keep it coming
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was a clever bit of writing. I like the way you progress running the bases, then throw him out at third. The home run part threw me a bit . . . but your conclusion was sound. There are too many ppl out there to settle for one who doesn't appreciate you or the things you do. You go girl!
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... I really like this actually. I like the intriguing way you've formulated it out visually, mostly. I do indeed like the bases analogy and I wonder if you actually gave them that many chances or just molded your experience (if it is yours) to that.

    The last comment said something about not understanding where you were coming from about the homerun thing. To me it seemed that the homerun was in "his" favor and you struck him out based on that. Kinda a twist on the game just like love has no rules or boundaries. "All is fair.." and all that stuff.

    During the 3rd base part I didn't like how you put this line:
    "final likes"
    That is the one and only part I have constructive comments for. I don't know what you'd do to replace it, but it's not a HUGE deal, just something that didn't please the senses that I was feeling from the previous lines.

    Overall I'd say you accomplished your mission, and I'd keep practicing it if you enjoyed the challenge. Keep up the good work, I look forward to your next post.
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]

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