Description: current situation is crappy and i wanted to find an expressive way to interpret it without using the word "I." was it a success? i dunno
Gave Him -------------------------------------------
gave him
first hug
first kiss
first love
first base
to please
is a chase
denied
divide
love does not endure
not good enough
love gives up
just look somewhere else
gave him
second chance
second glance
second love
second base
to sneak
a forbidden taste
rejected
disconnected
love does not linger
not good enough
love gives up
just look somewhere else
gave him
final strike
final likes
final plunge
home run
relationship
well overdone
fate
separate
love beaten senseless
not good enough
love gives up
just had to stop by again to view this...it fits so well with what i'm going through...it's a lil bit of a comfort to read these words and know someone else has at least thought the same way i feel...
wow, good write. I think that without the format though, this never would have come off quite as good. Sounds pretty depressing, for you to seem to try so hard, yet youre getting little or nothing in return. It hurts, but dont ever give up, because in time, through patience and 'lingering' love always has the best of chances to come around knocking...so expect it, dont give up, much as it seems theres nothing else to do but to give up. good thoughts, keep it coming
I thought this was a clever bit of writing. I like the way you progress running the bases, then throw him out at third. The home run part threw me a bit . . . but your conclusion was sound. There are too many ppl out there to settle for one who doesn't appreciate you or the things you do. You go girl!
Wow... I really like this actually. I like the intriguing way you've formulated it out visually, mostly. I do indeed like the bases analogy and I wonder if you actually gave them that many chances or just molded your experience (if it is yours) to that.
The last comment said something about not understanding where you were coming from about the homerun thing. To me it seemed that the homerun was in "his" favor and you struck him out based on that. Kinda a twist on the game just like love has no rules or boundaries. "All is fair.." and all that stuff.
During the 3rd base part I didn't like how you put this line: "final likes" That is the one and only part I have constructive comments for. I don't know what you'd do to replace it, but it's not a HUGE deal, just something that didn't please the senses that I was feeling from the previous lines.
Overall I'd say you accomplished your mission, and I'd keep practicing it if you enjoyed the challenge. Keep up the good work, I look forward to your next post.
Submission Name: Gave Him
