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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kicking Schroedinger's Catdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DevilDinosaur
    ASL Info:    28/M/MR American
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 293/197/46
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 538



    Description:
       A complete revision of an earlier poem that tries to blur the line between theory and reality and add a little art to science.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKicking Schroedinger's Catdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gliding through electrons
    on cloudless cold city nights
    I break the wake
    of particle-waves
    emitted by fluorescent lights
    as the universe rolls
    forward in frames
    like the corner
    of a picture book
    flipping

    Static but active
    these frames
    have no need
    of predecessor
    or justification
    they simply exist
    like the light, but as well
    could end
    with the flick
    of a switch

    >CLICK<




    Submitted on 2005-03-07 21:57:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I was appalled.

    I read the title, and thought, what kind of person would write about kicking a cat. (Which is moronic since I'm studying about Schroedinger at the moment)

    Then you started to talk about electrons, and I honestly thought it was going to be pure boring scientific babble.

    But oh, no, I was surprised.

    The skill in while imagery was mixed into all the scientific parts is honestly surprising. Most times people would end up sounding cheesy or too literal, but this is perfect.

    And underlying it all is a reminder, in scientific words, but in literary imagination, that the world can just one day up and go "Bang." and the lights will go off without any warning, and any reason, other than the fact that it can and that's how it goes.

    I give your paper an A+.
    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by Sipthefallensky | [ Reply to This ]
      I do like the title... Kicking the unseen, the unknowable... perhaps the dead... gives it an existance. On to critique.
    The meter of the second line throws me off when I read it.. when I speak it to myself. I think all the line needs a a bit of syntax revision. Maybe
    "On those cold and cloudness city nights."
    In the last stanza, the line that jumps out at me is line 7. It's added length seem s to be very weak in the writing and whwn all the other lines around it are so short and to the point... it really sticks out as a bit off. I think All you'd need to do there is cut it into two lines. It would give the stanza continuity.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      THE GOOD: Love this, will have to read everthing you have out there. I'm a fan of scientific themes myself and whatever Buffaloman says do it more.

    Religon is in its death throws, and it was a death-laden subject from the start, the truth is always sexy whatever the fools of fashion may tell us.

    THE BAD: But I rave and my doctor has told me to stop that. Even gave me a wack of Thorazine to boot!

    THE UGLY: Use some puncuation, damn you. This drives me nuts when people of tallent descide to eschew little things like how the language works. It's a pet peeve of mine and I've been told it's petty by some but I stand by it. I if I were U which I guess would force you to be me sorry about that one and thus neither of us would know the people we know or when to go to works or indeed where or in fact how to doso; would do it like thus:

    Gliding through electrons
    on cloudless cold city nights,
    I break the wake
    of particle-waves
    emitted by fluorescent lights
    as the universe rolls
    forward in frames
    like the corner
    of a picture book;
    flipping.

    Static but active,
    these frames
    have no need
    of predecessor
    or justification.
    They simply exist
    like the light, but as well
    could end
    with the flick
    of a switch:

    >CLICK<
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem contains a certain blend of science and i have to say that while it is refreshing, i would not use that twist too much. i di not understand the title at all, but maybe i am not supposed to understand it. it was alright, but i have seen better.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very creative poem and you have put a bit of a spin on some scientific stuff! I dont read too much about chemistry and physics around here so this one is definitely refreshing and very cleverly done. And I like the "click" at the end too, very nice touch to finish off this most interesting poem. I must admit this is not at all what I expected when I saw the title...I was thinking...hmmm...ok...he kicked someone's cat! hahahaha! Nice poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I just love poetry that makes you think! Very good, Chris, I feel I can see what you set out to achieve here, and I can see that you succeeded admirably, and in words it doesn't need a quantum physicist (which I was in another life) to interpret.
    Bloody good, probably too short, it certainly deserves more.
    well done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is actually really really interesting. i have never read here at elite any poems along these lines. from that perspective alone that is awesome to come up with new ideas that have rarely been tounched on. (coming from both a science and art educational background i was intrigued!)

    very nice!
    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      I know that I read this years ago and it was you that wrote it and I understand why it's here again.
    Divine reinvention; a need beyond words to offer up a meaning...
    The description is useful (unusually) because it tells us that we're reading something written by someone who is not a complete f.uckwit.
    And the pom is a lecture, given in a benign way but a lecture nonetheless and its in-built cadence and energy excite an equal and opposite reaction. I like it for one view of the hinterland. For a view of a far horizon.
    Careful with that axe Eugene.
    Or that razor Mr Occam...
    Take it easy.
    K
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy the entertaining art that you added to an old scientific theory...it is very creative. I enjoy it very much so...I plan on reading your others another time when I am more alert...great job.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by SammySueYou | [ Reply to This ]


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