Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faintdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MasterBrad
    ASL Info:    15/M/Kentucky
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 35/51/13
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 845
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 823



    Description:
       Me and my girlfriend got into it because i supported a friend of mine that she doesnt like... which pissed me off so bad i started to cry and hit things... I almost fainted when she was trying to talk to me... when we went inside i smoked, and she left me there because she can't stand to see me smoke... I wish that she would try harder to influence me to quit... Sometimes i think she just gets mad at me for it because of something else... anyways... she left me when i needed her the most... I needed her to help and guide me.. but she wasn't there... I love her to death, and I know that she loves me.. Even if she does complain or leave me alone... I said i love you on my way out the door and kissed her on the cheek... she didn't say anything to me... but then she wound up saying it over the phone... so I don't know..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaintdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel a pain inside of me,
    One that only I can see.

    You want to know what is wrong?
    It's all of my feelings twisting inside.

    All of the Love, all of the hate,
    All of the depression, will be my fate.

    I almost fainted outside talking to you,
    Crying and yelling, you helped me.

    When we went inside you sat beside me,
    I smoked a cigarette and you left me there.

    You say you can't stand watching me kill myself,
    When you leave my side, its worse than death.

    How can you help me if you are not there,
    I need you beside of me to change my ways.

    I argue with you over it,
    Waiting to see if we do fit.

    You left me there to faint.





    Submitted on 2005-03-08 00:49:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow....I just don't know what to say to this.....

    Why are you smoking? That's my question...You're only 15 years old. It IS slowly killing you and you need to realize it. I can see why she can't stand it, and when she walks away, it should be enough of a motivation for you to stop. If you love her enough, you will. I don't care how hard it is, how much time it will take. No matter what happens during it, she shouldn't leave your side if you are willing to quit. If she can't satnd there enought o say I love you and care to help you all the way through and help you when you fall, then she's not worth the pain to make you cry.

    You need to stand up, look her in the eye, and say I love you, if she can't say it right back then and there, or give you a good explanatin why she can't say it YET, then give it up. I know how hard this must be to take in, but I want you to know, we're all in situations that others can't handle one way or another. You just need to stand up when you fall, push harder than ever so you don't faint. Push yourself awake to realize whethere she's there or not. If you blink for a moment and she's not there, then you know what you need to do.

    I don't know how much more I Need to write to show you this isn't improving your chances with her. You need to quit smoking and stick with her, or quit her and find someone who will tolerate your smoking. I know there are people out there, but you know what you should do. I'm not going to lead you down my path of righteousness towards god because that is what I believbe. I am going to lead you down your own path to make your own choices and to see whether you can live another day in pain, or do something to make it go away.....
    ~Amy~
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Chicool2 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49572

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Incubus written by monad
    This written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry