Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Concussiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 821



    Description:
       The spectrum of emotions called love hits like your brain against your skull. I'm not in love, not yet, but with a little bit of alcohol I can extrapolate how dumb I'll be. Maybe how dumb I am, cuz what fool would want to see a world more complex than this ever?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConcussiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    God your body hits me but I can't feel it
    Its so far away but somehow nesteled in my chest
    Be God so I can love you at your Temple kneeling
    I'm the One who makes the not me get to be the Rest.
    I swear I'll go to sleep with you painted on my eyelids
    I swear I'll wake with your name upon my lips
    But you must be the boon that I earned for all that I did
    You must be the Princess i'm to kiss.
    Where have you gone, I know just where, but tell me just the same.
    I'm just a Gorilla in the mist
    Pray I've evolved after I came
    The only way to surely win, is to know you'll surely lose
    And I swear that I'ma surely win
    So your victory i chose.

    It hits like a concussion




    Submitted on 2005-03-08 01:00:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hah, hah, oh no! You know what? I love you even though you can be a twit. Nah, nothing romantic in that, just like one loves a friend. Why a twit, because you are so often so angry and you don't even let on what's pissing you off so bad. Do you need a reason? And then you come up with this and the comment preceding it just had me rolling with laughter. Cheer up for heavens sake and give us more of this type of good humoured fun.
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      What is happening to you Shard, you have gotten so...soo...sooo...poetic. It's awesome. I am really liking this polar opposite kind of thing from your stuff I first discovered on here.

    "Be God so I can love you at your Temple kneeling"...wow, what an image. A man humbled, at the feet of his oh shall I say "lover".

    This line here "Where have you gone, I know just where, but tell me just the same." feels a bit long. Maybe cut out the just where.

    This line, I think would be effective at flattering the pants off of any woman, "I swear I'll go to sleep with you painted on my eyelids".

    I am not sure that I knew you had this in you, but Hell Yeah man, you are versatile and I'm loving it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49575

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry