Lurking the bright midnight,
feeling someones after me.
Paranoia to my powerless senses,
evil thoughts I think I see.
Running through my head is me,
questioning my nightmareish fate.
For there is no body watching me.
I only misinterpreted the awareness of old trees.
| this definitely has all the elements of a bad trip on shroomers ;) paranoia definitely... well, a bit of poison in the system will assuredly make anyone's mind go a bit haywhire heh lol ;) I like this... it represents (to me) the chaotic thoughts of a mind when in an overstimulated second state... I like the bit about the trees hehe... I find it concludes very well to actually demonstrate there is nothing on the outside to provoke this paranoia that is being felt... just illusions of the mind... very well written... I like what I got out of it :)|
thanks for reading and commenting on my post... *blush* favorites addition... a nice compliment that is :) I'm pleased to know you enjoyed :)
take care *hug* xx
|| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by Fiine Moods | [ Reply to This ] |
FUK my comment I left here doesnt make any sense you ewould think I was on acid or something, but what aI was trying toi say was Use the word misinterpreted 9instead of that word that isnt a word but should be a word that you use in the last line and I dont know who the comment is that you are talking about [htp]- not sure about what you mean but oh well I did like your poem , you write in a style that I can dig its my kind of writing and not overly done with changes and editing of your original thoughts. I fukkn hate that when people want to rewrite your work fort you , Its like fuking your girlfriend after you just did her. You know its done shes done. Anyway one more thing I might have titled this somwething different, just to not give it away,. Let the reader take that trip that ypou have or had in your mind when you wrote it with you and draw their own conclusuion know what I mean?
You know every thing I write I write once and thats it. I never go back and change anything. Some friends come around and cant believe that I write some of this stufff off the top of my head. I guess they just don't know how to express their thought as simply and often a swe can ~L.t
|| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ] || Ha, paranoia is such a crappy side effect of tripping. I can feel for you, I swear it seems as if certain objects make you feel like you are in some sort of physical danger. You really need to elaborate on this, it could be spectacular. If you focused on all the different images that you encounter while your having a badass trip, this poem would be to its perfection. You can load it up with some rockin imagery, like how you might see different worlds.(something I have once felt)|
Tripping is fun :)
Have a good one
|| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by MuckyMuckpoop | [ Reply to This ] || Haha it makes sense to some like me. em heeemm anyway I thought itg was good, and yeah replace that really interesting word you made up with , aThat will not change it and it will be fine, you know it has been a while since eh emmmmeh misinterpreted you really confused the hell out of stormofbliss lol ~L.t||| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ] || This reads like a trip...I suppose that's the intention. Ouch, I've had some bad ones in my day...don't want to relive any of them...all those defense mechanisms are gone while tripping, so those subconcious demons are all there to haunt you...|
there are some things that need editing (spelling etc...), but I don't want to insult your intelligence by pointing them out...if it were important to you, you'd do it...
"uninterpited the awareness of old trees" I like that line...kinda creepy in a enigmatic way. Cool
|| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ] |