Description: Well, I don't know what came over me, compelled me to write this. I had a flooding of emotions that I try continuously to rid myself of. It's not the best writing ever, but try not to bash it if you even give it a comment........I just typed it, it has never been on paper before.....So, I could change it, add, take away from it. Thank you,
Samantha
I Lament for You -------------------------------------------
Drenched in eternal attatchment,
I will weep until my skin cleaves tightly to my skin and my marrow is rotting..........
My feelings for you have taken me, twisted me into the faithful woman I used to scorn long ago.......
My reflection flaunts you, you are embedded into my eyes, and
It seems as though I have been classically conditioned to your scent...........
I will never lose you.
You are sewn into me, braided throughout my hair................
I cannot define anymore the capacity of my sorrow for you......
I mourn for you......
I lament for you............
Well, you certainly can develop whatever style you choose, ellipses in squadrons, or anything you like. The structure of this poem is unique, different even. The feelings are strong and clear, even if I'm wondering why there's a negative slant to something that should be a happy experience. A bit of a mystery. Here's the thing . . . the person this is written for probably will understand this better than those of us who just happen by and read it. That's not a bad thing, if the poem is meant for an audience of one . . . it doesn't mean the rest of us can't appreciate it, it just means we can't appreciate it as fully. So, maybe someday when you have time, you can think about this and add a little more to it, see what comes out. I'd be interested . . .
classically conditioned to your scent? what does that mean? and just some of the phrasing didn't really connect with me. i think simplisity is the best approach to express such intesne imotions as craving someone.
The content of this is not bad, but the structure needs to be cleaned up a bit. Try to get rid of some of your elipses and use line breaks where you would naturally pause when reading. "used to scorn so long ago" would change to "scorned so long ago"
I think its perfect. Its raw, like it was written in a letter. And I get what your saying in "classically conditioned to your scent"... You've been around them so long, you smeel like they do. Its not craving, its rebelling against. Am i right? Like you have to love them, but that makes you sorry for them? Boy, do you have some self-love problems or what? Its unclear and foggy, but thats what makes it so good.
Submission Name: I Lament for You
