Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oblique thoughtlessnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    44/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 2621/1253/184
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825



    Description:
       Thinking or lengthening this...any suggestions. I know this needs a good edit but not really sure which way to go with it. Is the alliteration annoying or does it add to the hypnotic rythm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblique thoughtlessnessdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Silently I sit,
    Rocked by the rapturous rhythms
    Wrought by ocean waves
    Considering the calculations
    Of politically minded people
    Whose anxious ambitions
    Stamp striations through the
    Pleasant patterns of life.

    Soothing sunlight smoothes the worry
    Perversely pilfering the heat
    from the sanctimonious subject.
    Its rays rendering a contentment
    Universally usurping all unpleasantness
    Until I wander through another wrinkle
    Of thoughtless thoughts.

    Here I silently sit
    Contemplating the continuity of the waves
    Waxing over whatever snippet washes
    through a meandering mind--
    My miniscule offering
    To the obliquity of oblivion that is the ocean.





    Submitted on 2005-03-08 13:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ah, indeed,
    First verse, I couldn't agree more. To quote myself

    "Inherently endemic anachronism political
    Emendation propensity opulently diabolical
    Surreptitious ethnicity epigraphy mimetical
    Pompously bombastic flagrant inimical
    Doughty nuance intrepidly maniacal"

    Second verse: I envy you your ability to feel nonchalant about it all. The "perversely pilfering" (I loved that) surreptitiousness of a little bit of sunshine. Leaving you free to enjoy the meandering obliquities of mind.

    Third verse: For real, the totally tangential "oblivion that is the ocean." can definitely make one feel as a mere snippet.

    Bruce

    | Posted on 2015-01-23 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Soloman Disease...This is poem about thinking...
    about thoughts swirling around in your head...the message is clear for all to read...
    your 'colourful' sentences work well...
    in describing the ever changing thoughts in the human brain...
    It is an original piece...
    I can't really find anything wrong with it...but I wouldn't make it longer...I think three stanza's work well.
    Rubi

    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece reminds me of Transcendental Meditation, which is where you focus on something that has no meaning to you, say a word in a foreign language, and therefore, since you don't know what the word means, the thoughts sort of slip through your mind and you think of essentially nothing...it works somehow. Anyways this poem reminds me of that, because you gave me the idea that you were sort of thinking of everything and nothing in particular...well I rambled. peace.

    IHS,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      ridiculous. that's the word that comes to mind. you don't even know what you're saying. you're so wrapped up in making every sentence colorful that you forgot about what you were trying to say. just ridiculously inane.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49622

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    He said She said written by Chelebel
    This World Where I Make You My King written by C. Starr
    JMSN - Love Myself written by kase
    About Me written by AliceMargatroid
    Some Confusion written by MyPeriodical
    Against the Tide written by MaryMaryBeth
    Daddy Please written by LonelyNight
    Heartbroken Heartbreaker written by kase
    A little mix of this and that written by Chelebel
    Tiger Cages of Vietnam written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chrysalis written by closetpoet
    To the Train written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Single Cell Organism written by C. Starr
    Dreams written by MaryMaryBeth
    Simple Silence written by Iram
    Blue written by C. Starr
    The Scarlet Letter written by Janesaddiction
    You be the Writer written by Chelebel
    Easter Sunday written by poetotoe
    The Napkin Chronicles written by Chelebel
    testudo written by Daniel Barlow
    Under Your Spell written by C. Starr
    This Is What Happens Next pt 2 (edited version) written by kase
    Raisins Bathed In Chocolate written by MyPeriodical
    Essentials - In The Beginning V2 written by PryncessVynom
    Anonymous written by Narna
    Happy written by Chelebel
    Haiku: The Night Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Of seeds we planted. written by Chelebel
    Beautiful Disaster (version 2) written by kase

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry