Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oblique thoughtlessnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    42/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 2436/1172/155
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825



    Description:
       Thinking or lengthening this...any suggestions. I know this needs a good edit but not really sure which way to go with it. Is the alliteration annoying or does it add to the hypnotic rythm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblique thoughtlessnessdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Silently I sit,
    Rocked by the rapturous rhythms
    Wrought by ocean waves
    Considering the calculations
    Of politically minded people
    Whose anxious ambitions
    Stamp striations through the
    Pleasant patterns of life.

    Soothing sunlight smoothes the worry
    Perversely pilfering the heat
    from the sanctimonious subject.
    Its rays rendering a contentment
    Universally usurping all unpleasantness
    Until I wander through another wrinkle
    Of thoughtless thoughts.

    Here I silently sit
    Contemplating the continuity of the waves
    Waxing over whatever snippet washes
    through a meandering mind--
    My miniscule offering
    To the obliquity of oblivion that is the ocean.





    Submitted on 2005-03-08 13:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I disagree with Soloman Disease...This is poem about thinking...
    about thoughts swirling around in your head...the message is clear for all to read...
    your 'colourful' sentences work well...
    in describing the ever changing thoughts in the human brain...
    It is an original piece...
    I can't really find anything wrong with it...but I wouldn't make it longer...I think three stanza's work well.
    Rubi

    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece reminds me of Transcendental Meditation, which is where you focus on something that has no meaning to you, say a word in a foreign language, and therefore, since you don't know what the word means, the thoughts sort of slip through your mind and you think of essentially nothing...it works somehow. Anyways this poem reminds me of that, because you gave me the idea that you were sort of thinking of everything and nothing in particular...well I rambled. peace.

    IHS,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      ridiculous. that's the word that comes to mind. you don't even know what you're saying. you're so wrapped up in making every sentence colorful that you forgot about what you were trying to say. just ridiculously inane.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49622

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Boxer written by lukewarm
    Destroyed from Within written by poet09
    October written by expiring_touch
    Sour written by Passionbyapathy
    Let me in. written by SetmyselfonFire
    The Warrior of Mandos written by dancer-of-words
    believe written by jeniecel
    Forever In My Soul written by Rainin_Raspbery
    Anonymously written by poetotoe
    Dream Whisperer written by poet09
    L-etyourS-elfgoD-own written by MyPeriodical
    Free, the Crocus written by KimmyMim
    School Shooting in Mexico written by cornonthekob
    Esoteric written by poetotoe
    zhdress written by festkleider
    sad blue opening lines written by shyer
    Never want to lose you written by childoftears
    Row shall I written by keestu
    an old modern day proverb written by gwenn sundala
    Morning Musings of a Woman With Abandonment Issues written by Carosuel
    reivived written by shyer
    reivived written by wavy
    Autumn roses. written by phil askew
    The Buttefly Again written by JeanArlertArmin
    The Game written by poetotoe
    Between the sun and the sky there is Earth. written by Carosuel
    Bipolar Conversations written by childoftears
    Fateful Life written by poet09
    I am a writer written by Iriss
    bobby - july 23rd written by isabella

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry