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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oblique thoughtlessnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    42/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 2436/1172/155
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 508
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825



    Description:
       Thinking or lengthening this...any suggestions. I know this needs a good edit but not really sure which way to go with it. Is the alliteration annoying or does it add to the hypnotic rythm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblique thoughtlessnessdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Silently I sit,
    Rocked by the rapturous rhythms
    Wrought by ocean waves
    Considering the calculations
    Of politically minded people
    Whose anxious ambitions
    Stamp striations through the
    Pleasant patterns of life.

    Soothing sunlight smoothes the worry
    Perversely pilfering the heat
    from the sanctimonious subject.
    Its rays rendering a contentment
    Universally usurping all unpleasantness
    Until I wander through another wrinkle
    Of thoughtless thoughts.

    Here I silently sit
    Contemplating the continuity of the waves
    Waxing over whatever snippet washes
    through a meandering mind--
    My miniscule offering
    To the obliquity of oblivion that is the ocean.





    Submitted on 2005-03-08 13:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I disagree with Soloman Disease...This is poem about thinking...
    about thoughts swirling around in your head...the message is clear for all to read...
    your 'colourful' sentences work well...
    in describing the ever changing thoughts in the human brain...
    It is an original piece...
    I can't really find anything wrong with it...but I wouldn't make it longer...I think three stanza's work well.
    Rubi

    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece reminds me of Transcendental Meditation, which is where you focus on something that has no meaning to you, say a word in a foreign language, and therefore, since you don't know what the word means, the thoughts sort of slip through your mind and you think of essentially nothing...it works somehow. Anyways this poem reminds me of that, because you gave me the idea that you were sort of thinking of everything and nothing in particular...well I rambled. peace.

    IHS,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      ridiculous. that's the word that comes to mind. you don't even know what you're saying. you're so wrapped up in making every sentence colorful that you forgot about what you were trying to say. just ridiculously inane.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]


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