Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oblique thoughtlessnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaycee
    ASL Info:    42/F/ Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 2436/1172/155
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 535
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825



    Description:
       Thinking or lengthening this...any suggestions. I know this needs a good edit but not really sure which way to go with it. Is the alliteration annoying or does it add to the hypnotic rythm?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOblique thoughtlessnessdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Silently I sit,
    Rocked by the rapturous rhythms
    Wrought by ocean waves
    Considering the calculations
    Of politically minded people
    Whose anxious ambitions
    Stamp striations through the
    Pleasant patterns of life.

    Soothing sunlight smoothes the worry
    Perversely pilfering the heat
    from the sanctimonious subject.
    Its rays rendering a contentment
    Universally usurping all unpleasantness
    Until I wander through another wrinkle
    Of thoughtless thoughts.

    Here I silently sit
    Contemplating the continuity of the waves
    Waxing over whatever snippet washes
    through a meandering mind--
    My miniscule offering
    To the obliquity of oblivion that is the ocean.





    Submitted on 2005-03-08 13:04:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I disagree with Soloman Disease...This is poem about thinking...
    about thoughts swirling around in your head...the message is clear for all to read...
    your 'colourful' sentences work well...
    in describing the ever changing thoughts in the human brain...
    It is an original piece...
    I can't really find anything wrong with it...but I wouldn't make it longer...I think three stanza's work well.
    Rubi

    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece reminds me of Transcendental Meditation, which is where you focus on something that has no meaning to you, say a word in a foreign language, and therefore, since you don't know what the word means, the thoughts sort of slip through your mind and you think of essentially nothing...it works somehow. Anyways this poem reminds me of that, because you gave me the idea that you were sort of thinking of everything and nothing in particular...well I rambled. peace.

    IHS,
    shuford
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      ridiculous. that's the word that comes to mind. you don't even know what you're saying. you're so wrapped up in making every sentence colorful that you forgot about what you were trying to say. just ridiculously inane.
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49622

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Demons written by BlazeFlamme
    Free ? written by closetpoet
    The end is another beginning written by Forgiven
    falling star written by vinestar
    Pessimistic written by jackz
    End of August written by TheAirWeBreathe
    Timorous and Trembling written by AsiaticFox
    Fearless written by Passionbyapathy
    say love (and think of sanctum) written by Daniel Barlow
    Addendum to Runes journal of 6/28/2014 written by monad
    ™ © The Emotional Storms Of a Scorpio written by kyserin
    King with a touch of Death written by Passionbyapathy
    Woodpecker's Kiss written by AsiaticFox
    some fuss about life written by Daniel Barlow
    Dearest Dad written by mdsouza
    Cry for Help written by Crestfallenman
    On This Day written by mdsouza
    I Wish You written by Frank Maguire
    Turmoil written by Forgiven
    Paying the price. written by Narna
    untitled written by jeniecel
    Empericals written by Daniel Barlow
    LÄPPLE written by Sethesin
    A Hand to Hold written by Windigo
    Y (i'll tell you why) written by cornonthekob
    Perfect written by EL
    Whatever written by cornonthekob
    Just Smile written by mdsouza
    Sobering written by Jazzy
    river written by AsiaticFox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry