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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bangdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefanie mae
    ASL Info:    18/F/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 37/50/20
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 338
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1442



    Description:
       this is about having sex. plain and simple.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBangdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You’re eyes betray your feigned slumber-
    they seem to say,
    “I love you, I love you not”.
    Oh, such a pity,
    my shame in your silence.

    You should see my sloping back,
    arched forever
    (for now)
    in laborious resignation,
    my truths.
    Such truths one could never speak,
    no,
    not even in the most intimate of whispers.

    And I could love you.
    And you could love me,
    perhaps,
    but we,
    we,
    we could never love like that,
    like this,
    in such a manner
    that you are
    best suited for.

    I could open every door.
    I could sympathize
    with every whimsically
    teenage plight.
    I could be a lady-
    with my hands and eyes and mouth.
    But here you are,
    perpendicular to me,
    trusting your every impulse
    to force your body
    into frigid sleep.

    My hands on your back,
    my breathing stopped.
    Wishing only to get
    you
    to your destination
    all the more comfortably,
    wishing you all the best of luck,
    wishing for the strength
    and power
    to remove my palms
    from your flexing
    restlessness.

    Because not everything
    has to
    end
    with a bang.

    So let us begin.




    Submitted on 2005-03-08 18:19:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I'm lovin' this one. No one seems to want to write about this... and when they do it's just for the shock factor, like "-GAAASSSSSPPP- Oh. My. God. She said penis." Yah know? But I didn't feel that with this.. it was a serious piece that put things in another perspective for me. The idea was pretty original, but I agree in Isreal in that some of your wording does not seem to live up to what you wanted to say.

    Yay! Nitpicking time! Just to let you know, I am a nitpicking FREAK. Alright, to start, you keep breaking into one word in a line and I keep stumbling. I think you were trying for an awkward rhythm scheme but it wasn't really working for me..except for the last sentence that was just like "WOAH THAT WAS SO COOl!"

    4th stanza... whimsically doesn't sound right, should it be whimsical?

    Alright, now, I have to say, your first stanza was b-e-a-utiful, it surpassed kicking the piece off. I love the "I love you, I love you not" thing because teenage girls think so much of that little petal-picking thing, such a unique concept I had forgotten all about, and it FITTED PERFECTLY. Lovin it. And even after that, still every stanza was very nice.

    Nice, nice, nice, write!

    -Brooke
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by Quiet Clamor | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem makes me think of a friend of mine, Shes been going through, well really a bad life, but its gotten worse lately it seems. I wish I could help her, but either I don't know what to do or she wont let me help her. Ver fustrating really. Thank you for writing!
    | Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ]



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