ghostly night by snacky fish

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Submission Name: ghostly night dots

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Author:	snacky fish
ASL Info:	25/male/FL
Elite Ratio:	3.54 - 290/421/87
Words:	96

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	297
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	637

Description:
spoooky

i hope the readers like. take care and dont get lost =d

ghostly night dots

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Dance under the moon
With ghost and fang
Around an old tree
In which crab apples hang

Sing an eerie hymn
Chanting with the dead
Under the canopy of stars
In which nightmares have fled

Pray a darker prayer
To the bluest moon
Next to your bed
Under which doom does loom

Dream the dream of dreams
In the deepest of slumber
drift to a place
In which ghosts plot and plunder

Live the longest death
Forget who you truly are
Kill off all the ghosts
That which held a star

Submitted on 2005-03-09 00:50:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow, I really loved this, just for the simple fact that while I was reading it I could see the scene playing out in my mind. The rhymining flowed really nicely, sometimes people try to rhyme words & the flow of the poem is thrown off, but this doesn't do that. It takes a talented person to be able to make sense while rhyming otherwise it seems like you've tried to hard. The flow of it was wonderful, as the reader I felt like I knew exactly where I was & could understand the poem clearly. Overall this is one of the best poems I've read. Keep up the good work & keep writing.
~*~Brandie~*~
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Flaming_Shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  This is the first thing I've read on here and I am amazed. I'm glad this was the first one. This poem is very moving. It's also very descriptive. I can't think of anything critical to say.
"Dream the dream of dreams
In the deepest of slumber
drift to a place
In which ghosts plot and plunder"
That stanza is my favorite. Mainly because I've been to that place so to speak. This poem is a job well done.
| Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by HeavensDeceit | [ Reply to This ]
  Kill off all the ghosts
That which held a star...
I wouldn't change that line....
I think it works...
I really like this..."Next to your bed
Under which doom does loom"
i know it sounds silly but I was always afraid of bad things trying to grab my feet and slit my ankles till i bled to death...
when I was a little girl...
I had a vivid imagination...So I could relate well to that line.
Keep writing the good stuff...
Rubi
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
  hey...this is really cool! kind of like a chant or something that you would say while dancing around a cauldron. a fantasy poem...hmmm...i really like this. and i have a friend that would also enjoy this. this is going to my favs...i wouldnt change anything. love the pattern and the rhyme...great!
-sweet
| Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. You've done a really good job painting an eerie, nightmarish picture here. A couple of the lines are a bit awkward (In which nightmares have fled, Under which doom does loom), but other than that, a really good piece. You could submit this somewhere for a Halloween issue. :-)
| Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  Sing a eery hymn...Sing "an" eerie hymn ....I think ;)

Under a canopy of stars
In which nightmares have fled

I'd probebly make this ...

Under the canopy of stars
In which nightmares have fled ...
Just to even up the flow a little ....Your choice of course ...

And i kinda tripped over this ..

Kill off all the ghosts
That which held a star ...

I don't have any recommendations though ...Im not that clever ...I like the last stanza ...it gave an almost airy fairy kinda feeling to the poem ...a calmness i guess....
A very good write ...I dont know ...I guess in a way it seemed a little forced...Like for some reason your heart wasnt completely in it ...
But even your not so hot poems are fantastic ...
Sorry to pick it apart ...I just felt like maybe those things might help a little ...
Blessed Be
| Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  Your work is always so well-crafted. I'm too lazy to worry about rhyme and stuff.

Pray a darker prayer
To the bluest moon
Next to your bed
Under which doom does loom

Dream the dream of dreams
In the deepest of slumber
drift to a place
In which ghosts plot and plunder

Those are my favorite stanzas. I like "Under which doom does loom/Dream the dream of dreams" very much. Those lines are really effective, and lines like that are hard to make work.

Sorry, I can't think of anything critical.
| Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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