Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Carbon Copydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kalidoscopeeyes
    ASL Info:    18/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 122/151/29
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 907
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 613



    Description:
       This is to my mom's best friend, whom I think is my twin just thirty years older.

    I don't know if I like it. I might end up changing it and the punctuation needs some work. This is just a very rough copy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCarbon Copydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Twins separated somewhere in the stars,
    One on a thirty-year delay,
    The other so willing to help her get there.
    With words. stories. trips. laughs. memories.
    Connection.
    Whether it's rummaging through books to find a treasure
    Or visiting the ghost towns of Pennsylvania,
    Chinese eyes meet ocean blue,
    Curiousity meets discovery,
    A surreal moment in time is born,
    The Pooh-and-Piglet system goes on.

    Camaraderie knows no age.
    You're not just another "Miss" to me;
    You are my carbon copy.




    Submitted on 2005-03-09 11:34:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      what was it about again? i forgot? . . . . i'm trying to remember, wait it is coming to me . . . . nope. sorry, i lost my attention.
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was written really well for a first draft. Seems as though you two have definately bonded. I'm sure you've noticed a lot of writers use no punctuation whatsoever.
    I think it's important if you want the next word to really stand out. So it's pretty much personal preference. I liked the theme of this
    poem. You actually could emiminate the word "with" in the fourth line, it would kind of accentuate the list. If you do that, use a semi-colon after the last word in the third line.
    Read it aloud to yourself, that should help you decide where you need the punctuation.
    Good job though, keep it up.,
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was wonderful!

    Not only was it original but I loved the way you presented it. Yes there are some flops in puncuation but you already knew that.

    I would take all the periods out of the 4th line and try commas instead.

    It's clear to see how much you admire this woman and it's touching to know that she takes the time to connect with her thirty year delayed twin. ;)

    be blessed
    BD
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49724

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry