Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Typical Wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 511



    Description:
       This was directed at evedry fucking loser head that has hurt me and then tried to be friends...I am bitter to all of you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTypical Wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    it is blurry out there
    distortion rips into any feeling I could have left
    you mistake my tears for pain
    I am angry
    angry that you thought we could still be friends
    angry that you thought we could smile again

    it is painful in here
    my head is a chamber
    full of typical wounds
    you mistake the pain in my eyes
    I am hurt
    but bitter
    so tortured by your lies
    I just want you to go away
    so I can leave this hate




    Submitted on 2005-03-09 14:16:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it , i think you could have added a little more imagery or emmotion into it though .you used angry a lot , which is good in some cases but in this case .. find a new word or words to get across your point or feeling. - like your picture by the way
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great goes well with your picture
    pain from another is very lonely ecspecially when you can feel it inside as you have expressed in your poem well written a nice picture painted
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      great emotion i too have felt this way the picture really sets the tone for the whole piece too often we let others drag us down when all we really need is the one we know for a fact we can trust and they stab us in the back iknow exactly how you feel
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Rennes | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! I really liked it..It did lack a bit of emotion..But overall it was great! I loved the last line "I just want you to go away...So I can leave this hate" Great! keep writing..I feel that every poem needs work...even the best..
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49737

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    prison written by ShyOne
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry