Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Typical Wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 511



    Description:
       This was directed at evedry fucking loser head that has hurt me and then tried to be friends...I am bitter to all of you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTypical Wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    it is blurry out there
    distortion rips into any feeling I could have left
    you mistake my tears for pain
    I am angry
    angry that you thought we could still be friends
    angry that you thought we could smile again

    it is painful in here
    my head is a chamber
    full of typical wounds
    you mistake the pain in my eyes
    I am hurt
    but bitter
    so tortured by your lies
    I just want you to go away
    so I can leave this hate




    Submitted on 2005-03-09 14:16:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it , i think you could have added a little more imagery or emmotion into it though .you used angry a lot , which is good in some cases but in this case .. find a new word or words to get across your point or feeling. - like your picture by the way
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great goes well with your picture
    pain from another is very lonely ecspecially when you can feel it inside as you have expressed in your poem well written a nice picture painted
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      great emotion i too have felt this way the picture really sets the tone for the whole piece too often we let others drag us down when all we really need is the one we know for a fact we can trust and they stab us in the back iknow exactly how you feel
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Rennes | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! I really liked it..It did lack a bit of emotion..But overall it was great! I loved the last line "I just want you to go away...So I can leave this hate" Great! keep writing..I feel that every poem needs work...even the best..
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    49737

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry