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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We Aredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crutch
    ASL Info:    65/M/Ar.
    Elite Ratio:    7.58 - 44/27/12
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       Jewels have many facets, so we, many faces.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Aredots
    -------------------------------------------


    We are faces in a glass
    feigning sanity,
    opaque images of self
    revealing our vanity.

    We are silhouettes on dust,
    shadows of obscure light,
    eclipsing the sun
    with our jargon of night,

    We are mimes in the dark
    measures of our will,
    dancing in a dream
    our passions to fill.

    We are vessels of grace
    saved from destruction,
    water turned to wine
    by His benediction.




    Submitted on 2005-03-09 15:31:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I wouldn.t change the style, what the reader needs to do is read it aloud, slowly, real slowly. It's great!

    Stanza 1 is good, a poignant comment on the world's devotion to self (vanity)

    Stanza 2. "We are silhouettes on dust"
    what a fabulous image! Beautiful line! I'm interpreting the "Jargon of Night" to be the doom and gloom and negative everything that seems to pervade the populace nowadays.

    Stanza 3. A poke at the promiscuity that is prevalent today, well put!

    Stanza 4. The Revelation, or benediction, to absolve everyone. I'd lose the second lot of "we are" not necessary, and interrupts the easy flow by making the line too long. Nice finish.

    Overall, very, very good, but I think most people on this site have no interest in commenting on anything religious. I give it five stars. Be happy, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-25 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I truly feel that the subject matter is originally expressed, and paints a picture of humankind that i think is at times controversial. I normally enjoy classic four line stanzas, but quite honestly I feel that this particular poem could blossom out of it's pretty little bud if you were inclined to attempt a re-write with a more freestyle format. I guess I just sensed some of the words might have been forced. Overall, i really enjoyed your poem, and I hope that you keep writing, because you definitely have talent. God bless!
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by bluemayskye | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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