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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rapeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Silencer
    ASL Info:    25/m/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 52/66/29
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1019



    Description:
       I dunno..bored


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRapeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    She sits and wonders alone.
    Outraged at the violation she was shown.
    So confused at what has happened tonight.
    There was nothing she could do, no way to fight.

    She tried to scream as he pulled her leg up by her shoe.
    "Shut up," the man said "or I will kill you."
    No no no this cant be.
    Dear God why is this man raping me?

    Now she is alone and confused.
    She feels violated and used.
    How could this be real?
    She took a gun and prepared to kill.

    Another victim another place.
    She had no involvment but she shot him in the face.
    Someone once took something so precious that she could never get it back.
    She contemplates all this as she lays on her prison sack.

    Even still she sits and cries.
    Everything she hears she now feels is a lie.
    Her confessions now are on the tapes.
    So the whole world can hear the story of a girl that was raped.




    Submitted on 2005-03-09 22:02:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hmm, yes, i liked this a lot. i'm not one that is very good at rhymed poems, but you seem to be able to do it and still maintain emotion and movement. the scene that is created in my mind is very clear, and it reminds me of a movie i once saw, but i don't remember the title. anyway, i liked it very much, the last line being my favorite. nice job...
    | Posted on 2005-10-04 00:00:00 | by keithypoo | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, all I can say is wow. I was reading through some of my old posts and saw were you said I was an amazing writer, well I have news for you, I don't hold a candle to your writing ablities.
    I'm not even sure what to say about this poem, but I do know what it's like and I don't blame the girl in the poem for doing what she did.
    Good write. And I hope to hear some of your thoughts on my latest posts.

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-03-30 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW man, this is really sad and really [censored]in deep...i don't think this needs to be changed all that much, yeah it does have a few lines that are a little long, but you know...all in all, this is a hard subject to focus on and do a good job with the tons of emotion that flowed throughout it...honestly it about made me [censored]in cry..lol...but im just a weirdo...lol....well again man, very very good write and i hope to read another amazing write soon...later
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good. i agree with mimi about the emotions thing. really, the only thing that i think needs to be changed is the 3rd line in the 4th stanza. it is a little too long and throughs off the flow. the rhyming was good and not forced. good job, especially since you are a guy writing from a girl's perspective, lol. good write. :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by _Joeysgirl_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm in agreement with playing card. The woman in the story needs some clarification. You could expand on this. I just think it's very incomplete.
    I felt pain for her but not the intensity of HER emotions here. Thsi is a good start, I just think you need to go back and work on it to bring the impact to the reader.
    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      not aneasy thing to write about and not an easy thing to go through,,,, I read playing cards comment and I dont agree at all. I think Rape is the worst thing a woman can go through and there is no way to be able to endure it without going through a slew of emotions.. questioning, afeeling alone, and needing to avenge are just parts of it...
    you did a good job and I hope that it is not from personal experience.......
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think this is written well enough to do justice to the topic...you have no clear character...she is submisive and qustioning in one stanza, alone and crying in another, and an avenging spirt in the next...and there is no link...you don't bulid her up enough so all these women are seprate people...if you want this to be affected you have to link these poeple into one...

    as for the actual content...this horrible thing is happening to this girl and the only comenatry from her about this is "Dear God why is this man raping me?"...it all happens and we are left with nothing at all...we have a vauge sence of the action...you are pretty much saying "yeah this girl got rapped" you need to make us feel what she is feeling...if you do this...it will be much more affective.

    i don't meaned to be harsh...but this needs a lot of work.

    card
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]


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