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The other woman


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 137
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 781
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 801



Description:




The other woman



I tried my best to make you see,
you were made to fit with me.
I cooked, I cleaned before you came.
I wished and hoped, you'd change my name.
Immersed myself in French perfume.
Lit a candle for your favorite room.
Smiled so bright, and hid the the tears,
I should have shed through all the years.
I was the perfect choice for you
and all you ever had to do
was turn to me and hold me close
give to me the single rose.
My womb stayed empty
my heart aches still
you left me here to
pay the bill.
I lock the door
after you leave
with no other choice, but to believe
I'll play this part until I die
to her, you will never say goodbye.





Submitted on 2005-03-09 23:14:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Hey Mimi,

Just checking out your profile...I loved your title...it directly attracted me because maybe i wrote something like this earlier and i am always interested in other people writing similar stuff...I wrote one which is a bit different from how you wrote "Unforeseen cheating" and the other one which looks kinda just like yours "Not ready for me".

I really hate when this happens....I hope this doesn't happen to me because i don't really know what i would do. It really sucks with all honesty. You've highlighted that very interestingly...The tone was very straight up, very hurt and very angry somehow not understanding what went wrong and probably will not find an answer until you move on with somebody else...Yet acceptance is an important factor to move on....Let the other woman have this problem now...you're done...you got nothing more to do for this man...he's not worth it... (as i would say...How ungrateful!!!!)

Anyhow, i just think you have to change this line:
I lock the door after you (Left)

Other than that...I have no suggestion for you...Have found a style which suits this piece very well.
Hope to see more from you soon....
Take care....
~Irina
| Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Your rhyme was working until the last few lines and there were some past tense problems.

Now after saying that, I like the power, uncontional love you were giving and the strength you show by moving on in this poem.

From a man point of view, I can say any man who could have a woman like yourself would be a very blessed man.

Keep writing and I will keep reading
| Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  You rock! This poem is so smooth and clean. Listen there mimi.. he didn't deserve you. you had enough love for the two of you, that is all. Wouldn't it be nice to be in Love withsomeone who would go to the ends of the earth for you?You deserve it too!
| Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Al | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow!, I like this... and I thought it was going to be something different judging from the title. The emotional content was well written and it really portrayed that doormat syndrome so many believe will work. I definetely can relate. And the part "Smiled so bright, and hid the the tears,
I should have shed through all the years."
capturing how we feel like hiding our true hurt and tears is better than showing them and risk driving him away, but also saying too that perhaps if we showed them, there might be a different outcome in the end. The ending is so sad "I'll play this part until I die
to her, you will never say goodbye."
- saying you'll always love this person even though they cannot let go of someone else.- nice job with this one.
| Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by Gatita | [ Reply to This ]
  Damn girl! It's hard being the other woman. Actually it's foolish to be the other woman. Sometimes the person that we love most is not best for us. Maybe he hasn't realized that yet. But, don't be foolish. If he leaves her for you he'll do the same thing to you. The flow was great to say the least. If you think the cost of being the other is worth it, continue to pay the bill then. As a man I'm telling you though that you are "just the other woman".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a good write, no matter which woman you were. The rhyme scheme flows smoothly just a little off on one line. In the 12th line perhaps if you add one additional word, like "give to me one single rose" it would even out that line. Just a matter of personal preference to keep the rhythm flowing more evenly. Other then that, this read very nice.
Carol
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok.. this is really good but it sends to me mixed emotions... first of all are you the other woman or is she the other woman? It can be read either way, I read it as thought she were the other woman because that happend to me after a six year relationship but then I re-read it and saw that you were the other woman and he was married... either way it was very well written and evokes emotion. well done
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Emilyjune | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey that poem was really good! It made me feel a bit sad because you portrayed the feelings really well. I understand what you're talking about, and while I was reading this poem the feelings coming from it hit me kind of like "WHAM" and I knew there was much feeling behind this, sort of like those more-than-meets-the-eye things. I especially liked this part:

Immersed myself in French perfume.
Lit a candle for your favorite room.
Smiled so bright, and hid the the tears,
I should have shed through all the years.

I'm not sure why, but it just has a really good creative rhyme to it. This whole poem had a really nice flow. I'd say the best part was the creative rhyming though. It didn't sound like you were trying to MAKE a rhyme, that all the words just came flowing naturally. Good format, it matches this sort of poem really well. I wouldn't have done anything differently, and there's nothing to be improved on this one, it's great as it is! I understood it, and it's definitly original, especially the rhyming. So great write! Keep up the good work! ^_^
---Save the Queen---
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Save the Queen | [ Reply to This ]


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