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Author: the apocrypha
Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185 /192 /48
Words: 40
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1091
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 321


Didn't try to rhyme it for once.


Left alone
To wait for life to
Come back to
Their womb
To switch on
Some life in
Their electric veins

Those lonely
Lovely homes
Will never know
That years ago



Submitted on 2005-03-11 08:04:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  love that swaying rhythm, i'm going to be watching you. I want to adopt some of your style in my some own works. very haunting account too in the plot.
| Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with everything that has been said. I often look at family photographs and think about how several generations have come and gone between when the pic was taken and now. I like how you talked about electricity as the life force of a home. It's a great analogy. Electrical circuts are somewhat like the circulatory system. Seriously, I can't imagine life without electricity, and it's been around for so long that any home without it is dead. It's like a cave or something. You also need someone to turn on the lights, and a what is a house if no one lives there? I hate to even look at vacant houses. I also like how you didn't go into why the people are dead. I think a womb is a great metaphor for a home too. It's like a second womb. I think you have an agreement error:

Left alone
To wait for life to
Come back to
Their womb

You say houses and then say their womb. I think it needs to be wombs. This is a bit like my poem Cold Paper Time Capsule, but the imagery is better. I like this very much.
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  very powerful. unique. I like the not rhyming. I do it all the time. reminds me of looking at old pictures where you realize nothing is the same anymore. kind of sad. but a great poem.
| Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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