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    dots Submission Name: Photographdots

    Author: the apocrypha
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185/192/48
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 321

       Didn't try to rhyme it for once.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Left alone
    To wait for life to
    Come back to
    Their womb
    To switch on
    Some life in
    Their electric veins

    Those lonely
    Lovely homes
    Will never know
    That years ago



    Submitted on 2005-03-11 08:04:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      love that swaying rhythm, i'm going to be watching you. I want to adopt some of your style in my some own works. very haunting account too in the plot.
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with everything that has been said. I often look at family photographs and think about how several generations have come and gone between when the pic was taken and now. I like how you talked about electricity as the life force of a home. It's a great analogy. Electrical circuts are somewhat like the circulatory system. Seriously, I can't imagine life without electricity, and it's been around for so long that any home without it is dead. It's like a cave or something. You also need someone to turn on the lights, and a what is a house if no one lives there? I hate to even look at vacant houses. I also like how you didn't go into why the people are dead. I think a womb is a great metaphor for a home too. It's like a second womb. I think you have an agreement error:

    Left alone
    To wait for life to
    Come back to
    Their womb

    You say houses and then say their womb. I think it needs to be wombs. This is a bit like my poem Cold Paper Time Capsule, but the imagery is better. I like this very much.
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      very powerful. unique. I like the not rhyming. I do it all the time. reminds me of looking at old pictures where you realize nothing is the same anymore. kind of sad. but a great poem.
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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