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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Please, Pray For Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 886
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 698



    Description:
       my life sucks. it's just getting suckier.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlease, Pray For Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Please, Pray for me....
    It hurts so much just to breathe.
    I'm tired of wanting to die,
    Of feeling so broken inside.

    Please, just pray for me....
    Even if you don't believe.
    I'm tired of saying good-bye,
    To those whom I love, I would die.

    Please. Pray. For. Me......
    I won't make it through the night.
    Sharp shining death within my reach,
    And no one cares for my plight.

    Scream, it's too late for me now.
    Cry, I dare not let a single tear fall.
    Hurt, it seems so eternal.
    DIE. I'm to tired to crawl.








    Submitted on 2005-03-11 14:48:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is sad and I liked it. The best thing that I could tell you about this poem would be the fact that you managed to endorse the reader into your depression, making them feel bad for you (at least me). If I were you then I would work to fix the choppy flow of this one, and make the top line of the last verse to have the same content as the lines of the other verses. However, you might think that that will be to monotonous, so I'll leave that decision up to you. I also noticed, what I call, a major flaw in this, the rhymes. Although I have nothing against rhyming poems and do enjoy them from time to time, and I cannot admit that you have chosen badly, I need to point out that you have changed your pattern of rhyming in the middle of the poem. In the first verse of this poem, the first and second lines rhymed and then the third and fourth ones rhymed. In the second and third verses, every alternate line rhymed. Personally, I would rather not rhyme a poem than have an irregular pattern, but its all up to you. A good word choice and placement from you has made this into a great write, and of course, a great thing about this was how you fitted in so much emotion into this with the help of such few, yet powerful words. Overall, I would give classify this write as a good one. This deserves at least four out of five. Thanks for sharing this with us,
    Abbas
    ps. I would like if you took a look at some of my writes. Thanks.
    ps2. I would like to apologize for this commentís clustery appearance
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem but you kinda lost me after the last 2 stanzas. What do you mean when you say "DIE. I'm too tired to crawl?" Over all, good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Your expression in this write is exceptional.. One can "feel" your soul. And you spoke it well in written verse. The last stanza with the Scream, Cry, Hurt, Die.. I like that, it stands out. If nothing else in life seems right to you at this time, just remember.. YOUR poetry is good. :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a crasy life ride to feel such loss of ones self is pretty sad nice choice of words to enhance the feelings you have nice write
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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    50017

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