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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Occasion on the Skies of Chaosdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 24
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 815
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 144



    Description:
       My friend Joey used the phrase "an occasion on the skies of chaos" in a conversation once. I don't know if he made it up or not, but I like it.


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    dotsOccasion on the Skies of Chaosdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Our love is an occasion
    on the skies of chaos,
    a perfect smile
    on the face of this confused world.






    Submitted on 2004-03-31 14:37:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like that, "occasion on the skies of chaos". has a nice ring to it. hold very vivid imagery for me. i like the way a "perfect smile" contrasts with "confusd world". lovely
    | Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      MUch--much--MUCH better...now the two sets of lines mirror each other ,..and a beautiful reflection it is.. Thanks, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      oh I definietly like the smile better... It left me with one on my face...lol and lord is this world confusing and confused... nice revision
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with silver on the use of the word pimple... brings to mind gushing white disgusting puss not anything pleasant as love...maybe a mark of beauty would be better.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm I like the expression -"an occasion on the skies of chaos" Amy--it brings a lot of ideas to mind.

    But "A pimple of beauty On the face of this repulsive world"--leaves me cold, it really
    doesn't seem to fit with the first 2 lines in any way--perhaps, I'll come back later and "See" it differently....it's just the the first two lines set a tone, a feeling...that the last two couldn't keep up with.(to me) Silver
    | Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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