Description: I'm trying to pump out forms of poetry I haven't attempted in a long time. I'm looking for first impressions and corrections from anyone who knows what they are doing. Obviously, this is an Acrostic attempt. Thanks.
This is what it feels to love:
Overcome with anxiety from forced separation.
Reality is not what is desired…not anymore.
Neither is this fictitious existence.
four lines, as powerful as ten. very nice, and the 'torn' part of it is incorporated masterfully. i agree with someone's epiphany in the possibilities for 'assisted suicide' to be drawn from the poem. thanks. *md*
hmmm...ive taken this two completely different ways... one is all that reality isnt (which i am starting to revise and think ive read it all wrong...) perhaps when one is in love they do not want reality... they do not want to face reality and the fact that perhaps this is not "true love"... i do not know...
what i was looking for was a link between the ideas of Love and then your acrostic word TORN and the title "assisted suicide" coz i figured there ought to be one... i think the love and torn are linked by reality... torn between reality and love... but the assisted suicide ruins me... i have no idea how it fits... unless its suicide in a being untrue to yourself kinda way not physical death (lets hope its not physical death...)
i very like how you have managed to make me think and yet you have used so few words... that is a gift... milk it for all its worth
I like the line about reality not being what is anymore desired. This poem is short and yet powerful, which is a style I have also just started (my last three submits have been an attempt at the "short-and -sweet style) This is a very moving and real piece in that in conveys an idea that is very dead on. nOt to sound cliché but i've been there before. Anxious during those first days (weeks months) of a break up you were not expecting. NOt wanting to deal with the reality of it. For me the fictious existance is like when you try to carry on like the war waging inside of your heart and the black cloud of dispare drowning you isn't really there. The language and style shows you have a very strong command over your art. THis is definetly near perfect. THe title is so undeserving of the work, though. That's the only thing i'd rethink.
Jimmy this is perfect. POW! You do have a way with words- anyone who has ever been in love could relate to this. It is like reading a page from my own journal. I like the acrostic. They can sound forced sometimes and this did not. I think you should trust yourself more- I know we all get down about our talents, especially on this site where there are so many talented writers- ( and young ones too- have you checked out CigaretteSmoke- a 14 year old dynamo!) but I hope you just keep on coming with these. Your perspective in this piece is key. It really touches that vulnerable part of us in a relationship- the waiting, the wondering etc. It is a catch 22- you don't want to come back to earth- you are living in between fantasy and reality. But then you know that it is not healthy and you are being consumed, but damn it it hurts so good. I've been married for 7 years and in the beginning when we were dating, my husband broke up with me for about 6 months when our relationship was still new. Boy do I remember having those same feelings. And to be quite honest, sometimes I miss the excitement that they can hold. Of course I would never trade them for the safety of our love today- but there is something exhilarating about being that raw and exposed. Jimmy, you are awesome. Magnolia
Submission Name: Assisted Suicide
