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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: we were young oncedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 627
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1197



    Description:
       we all grow up too fast


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswe were young oncedots
    -------------------------------------------


    we were young once
    and once, we longed for that we were not allowed
    we craved a taste of that forbidden fruit
    young and foolish, so naively guilty of crimes we could not help but commit

    we were young once
    so we, the damned, submitted ourselves to the chains
    chains that yelled, criticized
    shackles that grounded and brought tears in our eyes
    and cuts all over smooth skinned bodies

    we were young once
    so rivers of blood and tears mingled
    as did our lungs and poisoned weeds
    smoke perfumed over our baby powder scents
    the drinking eased away our grief

    we were young once
    but the chains could not enslave our hearts
    and our hearts beat for one thing, one thing only
    as we waited for the savior that did not come
    we carried our own crosses

    we were young once
    and upon the mountains, purest blood spilled
    through clear and innocent child-like eyes, hard tears were poured forth
    as the babes and innocents were beaten for the longing for one thing
    freedom, to be children

    for we were young once




    Submitted on 2005-03-11 20:26:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is this about losing your virginity? Seems to be very symbolic of that, like crossing over when you still want to be a child. I thought it was great, very deep. Seems alot like my misspent youth. For being only 14 I think you have great potential!
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by atardy | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty sad, mostly becuse I think that everyone could relate to the entire thing, but all in a differnt way. The only thing I didn't like is that at times it sounded a bit forced but other then that I think it was pretty good.
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good, depressing, but I am sure that all people write depressing things. Its better not to sometimes, escpeacally when it involves cuts and blood. Its too common among writng, the hardest thing to do these days seems to be writing something good that doesn't mention deep thoughts and emotions of depression. Also, the first line was good once, it became too redundent when used at the beginning of every stanza. There is promise in you don't give up! ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by Akai_oni | [ Reply to This ]


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