Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: graydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1124
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 702



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgraydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gray solemn light shone
    through coke glass window...too alone
    and cast reflections that fill my walls
    souls searching repose from eternal squalls

    Gray, cold rain, falls long
    sweeping sheets pelt rhythmic and strong
    bleed the color from hope
    long surrendered, unable to cope

    Gray foaming waves swallow me whole
    dragged down in torrent to nothing at all
    and there relinquish all control
    to this borrowed soul

    Gray matter speaks to me
    rationalize what is and what should be
    blind to tomorrow for what yesterday held
    the pall of a future in a house where love dwelled




    Submitted on 2005-03-12 17:27:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is good, -surprised you don't have more comments. I liked the different elements that all shared the color gray; the light " through coke glass window",the waves, the rain and then at the last the human factor, "gray matter,"-your thoughts. That last stanza was the best thought , bringing it all together.

    "Gray matter speaks to me
    rationalize what is and what should be
    blind to tomorrow for what yesterday held
    the pall of a future in a house where love dwelled"
    Thanks and good luck
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      it's about as cheerful as the one I posted today! I know how you feel. and this is quite well written. I would fix the spelling on rhythm in line six. otherwise it's fine. my favorite lines are:

    'rationalize what is and what should be
    blind to tomorrow for what yesterday held'

    this seems to be my problem too!
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey.This poem was really good.I just didn't understand what the coke glass window thing was,but other than that everything was good.
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by ColdinSummer | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    50142

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry