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*Pretty Girl*


Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 58
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 732
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 396



Description:


Listening to Pretty Girl by Sugarcult, and this is what happens. It is short and I don't Like it...Feel free to tear it down


*Pretty Girl*



Another night of waiting for a call
That isn’t going to come
Suffering insomnia in a daze
Staring at the phone
Drifting off into senseless sleep
Seeing your face
Feeling your touch
Awaken sharply by ringing
Only to learn it is my bird
Mocking the sound
Mocking my heart
This is what I get for falling again…




Submitted on 2005-03-12 19:05:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  There's no reason to tear this poem down, first of all that isn't mystyle anyway.

Again this raw real feelings that are being cut by someone you trust and had faith in and time and time again they let you down.

Anyone would be hurt. Your poem clearly states that with honest convictions, not in a whining way.
| Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  In this is your heart and your pain. I too know these feelings and you have done a good job of capturing them here. I'm sorry that you had to feel such pain in your life, but good write
| Posted on 2005-03-26 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
  the only reason you're gettin these negative critiques is because you said "tear it down" so they are. if you hadn't said that you wouldn't be getting the negativity. this is a tightly written piece, the imagery does work, it is creative. "it lacks creativity": that's just an ignorant statement. these people might as well say "your painting isn't creative because you use the same colors as another painter"...yeah, i know, foolish. so, good job, don't edit, don't change it, and the mockingbird part is awesome.
| Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  dam,n... sugarcult is such a good band... I never even thought of taking inspiration from that song... awesome job... it really makes sense if you read it really slow... I like your words.. but what am I saying i always like your words ... .coutrney your awesome to the thidrd degree... I'm coming to steal the part of your brain that holds ideas and thoughts... okay
| Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa man you can tell how sad and depressed you are simply by the description. And it's kind of scaring me because you seem more depressed than me and that's never good. not only can you tell in the desciption but much in the poem as well. don't kill yourself or do anything stupid, please. If you need someone to talk to about anything at all, I'm here. umm... nice poem though.
| Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
  the bird thing threw me off to be honest ...I didnt mind it though ....And i didnt love it ...It was was it was...but yeah i read the bit about the bird mocking you and i didnt know if i should laugh or what ..good job on the rest though ...I can see what you were aiming for ...

Blessed Be
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  It may lack "creativity" like they say, but it is not lacking in heart...you said what you felt and/or how you feel. Maybe not you, but I am sure somebody feels this way and somebody has felt this way in the past and somebody will feel this way again. Very good job with that! A poem for every one.
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, maybe it does lack some creativity, but it doesn't mean that being honest lacks creativity. That's just a bunch of bull, don't listen to Niche. Just work on a tad.
Keep up the good work.

Rain
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  Its a typical teenage poem, nothing great about. Plain, to the point i suppose. Not very creative! Its very honest though, but some people only rely on honesty to convey their feelings, which shows lack of creativity i suppose.
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by xXxNichexXx | [ Reply to This ]


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