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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A BETTER VERSION OF LIFEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kittycampbel
    ASL Info:    23 male uganda
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 53/72/25
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       it is a son who leaves his home land to go to any university outside the home land to country outside africa (abroad) may be on scholarship leave. recollectively writes to his father a letter that shows his growth and transformation from aboy in high school into a man as he is at university as a freshman. DOES SOMEONE SEE A TRANSFORMATION FROM HIGH SCHOOL?


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    dotsA BETTER VERSION OF LIFEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Dad,
    When I left home,
    I heartly thought about the home people
    When I left the village,
    I thought about the innocent staring eyes of the Villagers.
    when I left the district,
    I thought about my district Administrator
    When i left the Region,
    I looked for my fellow comrade in that So.....great new city.
    And when I left my motherland Uganda,
    I felt a mother's pangs, I m i s s e d her
    And when I left Africa,
    I thought about it like a heartmate
    And when I leave the world,
    My heart will tell me what to think about the whole of human kind.
    From your son KC(SAMMY)





    Submitted on 2005-03-12 21:50:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      truly a poignant piece. I like the way the development stage is mapped out and you can see that the further he ventures, the nearer his heartstrings are tugged towards his homeland. and also, it is as if his journey/experience opened his eyes and thought him to be humane.

    thank you for the great write

    cheers,
    rachel
    | Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by wilted_ | [ Reply to This ]
      this is nicely winding up. it shows me you're very attached to people and treasure memories a great deal. this grammar-in that so- i do not think counts. there are very technical words here and a lot of exposure about your culture thats why i figure it has not been commented on yet. such poetry i think would be suited better in a local setting where all the words are understood.
    these words i think could have gotten better substitutes>home people maybe the family
    heartmate is a vivid and fresh word though.
    the line -i felt a mother's pangs or my mother's pangs coz afterward you say i missed her and a should correspond.. what i do not understand yet is the reason you wrote it.why did u write?
    I DID NOT SEE THE TRANSFORMATION coz u made the poem short amd without the neccessary details.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]


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