Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angels Weptdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1331
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngels Weptdots
    -------------------------------------------



    above me they gather and pray
    for a soul torn apart,
    desperate; in dismay
    each night they come to discuss, what I've done
    both of us,
    what I've lost as one
    their whispers speak
    betrayal, deceit, of lies
    rooted deep and watch wide eyed
    each day as i die
    they wait and they wonder...can't understand
    the whys or whens-only who can deliver
    so mortal a man
    angels have heard and know I can't bear
    what you meant; what's hidden behind stares
    bring the darkness on
    and let me see the light
    unburden my soul, so that i might
    live in peace from what my heart has kept
    from angels, from cherubs...
    and how they wept




    Submitted on 2005-03-13 07:06:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you wrote this. When I read this it almost seams that the angels weeping are the ones that are left in mystery. It almost feels like you are putting the readers at the standpoint of the angels thus also leaving us to weep. Your line

    “they wait and they wonder...can't understand
    the whys or whens-only who can deliver”

    Displays the questions that the angels are questioning exactly what we would question reading your poem. There for you have put us in to the roll of the angels coming to this poem to see you die over and over as we re-read this and can’t help but to weep as the angels do as we feel your distraught. I don’t know if this makes sense but I could see it. As far as I know is that everyone will have a different take from it. This was a very nice job glad you shared it.


    Faid
    | Posted on 2015-10-08 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the premise here and even though it isn't really clear what you did, or what was done to you, but it does convey despair.I

    t seems you regret something and are leaving it a mystery for the reader. I think some lines could be stronger but hey it's your poem, and maybe you weren't feeling that way when you wrote it.
    I liked the title, that's what attracted me to this .
    An enjoyable read. thanks
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem. it shows a lot of feelings of sadness, anger, and hurt.
    it reminds me of this one book called juvenile orion.
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by blackshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is sorta depressing...it almost brought a tear to my eye...it was also kind of confusing..but at the end i understood it completely...maybe explain in a little more detail...how you truly felt...
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by Krinchinian | [ Reply to This ]
      the subject matter of the poem could have been that either the poet is heart broken because the person he wished his heart for didnt return his or her love practically. it looked a mis understanding i guess, the loved merely stared and left without a word. nice poem i think only that u have to write what the title some times says dont stray to avoid questions for futher explanations.
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by kittycampbel | [ Reply to This ]
      I have no problem with leaving 'em guessing...it's not a bad thing for readers to make up their own mind and put their own interpretation. My own thought is that you lost her because you cheated on her. I liked the rhyming style of this, as usual I don't know about the punctuation, but it's the writer's choice. Well done, cheers, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    50201

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry