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    dots Submission Name: cord from the walldots

    Author: reveries
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 54/74/23
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 689

       umm.....yeah.....sometimes stuff just come out.....good or bad....it's apart of me....everything I write is a part of me.....enjoy

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscord from the walldots

    the phone rings as she drowns
    another broken memory in gin
    the phone rings and she feels
    her cheeks burning....
    Burning! on fire!
    Little girls locked in burning buildings
    the phone rings and she sees!
    she sees her father
    he's touching her sister
    as it rings
    he's beating her mother
    it's ringing and she's 11 settng fire to the kitchen no
    6-left in a car
    5- home alone for days
    4- he's touching her too
    3...2...14 pouring gas from the barn around
    her father's bed....
    She touches the scars on her face
    and rips the cord from the wall

    Submitted on 2005-03-13 15:00:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this intense, i mean really intense...i feel like maybe i was invading into something really personal...it gives me shivers.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt naked reading it- its greatly done- to be able to write so brutally vivid... it makes the reader feel uncomfortable- but in a good way. If you can do that, in my opinion you have done a good job.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Gatita | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Where do I start in praise of this one? I like most things about it, the start where it was a brilliant description:
    the phone rings as she drowns
    another broken memory in gin
    A fabulous example of judicious use of a line break, very cleverly done.
    The background of her life, with the father and her sister and her mother, which give you the reasons for the highlights? which was uniquely written in that countdown fashion until the climactic incineration.
    The end was what it needed, short and brutal, and leave the reader a little breathless. Five Stars and a new favorite. Be happy, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the vivid descriptions that you used for this poem. The poem is pretty frank, but I believe that this quality helps to conjure an emotional understanding from the readers.
    As a reader, I think this poem is sad and a bit brutal. It shows the reality of what goes on in everyday life in some households. The thing that caught me is that the simple words that you used can evoke such sorrow. Two thumbs up. You deserve it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by Mady Ramlan | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting... I like the feel that this poem has. It's not dancing around the subject, and it's... colorful for lack of a better word. Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]

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