Description: umm.....yeah.....sometimes stuff just come out.....good or bad....it's apart of me....everything I write is a part of me.....enjoy
cord from the wall -------------------------------------------
the phone rings as she drowns
another broken memory in gin
the phone rings and she feels
her cheeks burning....
Burning! on fire!
Little girls locked in burning buildings
the phone rings and she sees!
she sees her father
he's touching her sister
as it rings
he's beating her mother
it's ringing and she's 11 settng fire to the kitchen no
6-left in a car
5- home alone for days
4- he's touching her too
3...2...14 pouring gas from the barn around
her father's bed....
She touches the scars on her face
and rips the cord from the wall
I felt naked reading it- its greatly done- to be able to write so brutally vivid... it makes the reader feel uncomfortable- but in a good way. If you can do that, in my opinion you have done a good job.
WOW! Where do I start in praise of this one? I like most things about it, the start where it was a brilliant description: the phone rings as she drowns another broken memory in gin A fabulous example of judicious use of a line break, very cleverly done. The background of her life, with the father and her sister and her mother, which give you the reasons for the highlights? which was uniquely written in that countdown fashion until the climactic incineration. The end was what it needed, short and brutal, and leave the reader a little breathless. Five Stars and a new favorite. Be happy, Graeme
I liked the vivid descriptions that you used for this poem. The poem is pretty frank, but I believe that this quality helps to conjure an emotional understanding from the readers. As a reader, I think this poem is sad and a bit brutal. It shows the reality of what goes on in everyday life in some households. The thing that caught me is that the simple words that you used can evoke such sorrow. Two thumbs up. You deserve it.