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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Piece by Peacedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 536



    Description:
       Just a little play on words, what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPiece by Peacedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Piece by piece, I found peace;
    I am the maid that made it;
    I am the rose that rose up.

    Fed the bread that bred
    The tears, the ones that tear,
    The ones that whirled my world.

    Thin in waist; thin and wasted.
    I hurt for years until these ears
    Heard of a new herd to follow.

    The path of light is light.
    In the heart of my heart
    I found the truth of my truths.

    And piece by piece
    I found peace.






    Submitted on 2005-03-14 03:36:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Clever, I like the way it was put together, the flow of it is good overall although in some section could work a little better: Just one little correction however, the third last piece was misspelt. But other than that i thought the overall piece of writing was well done: Dave
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by littlecoombs | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you put this peace, whoops, piece together. It's truly unique to what I've seen and is some very good work. Again, this is truly remarkable how you did this and made it make sense. Keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by rapius | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really cool! It did give me a bit of headache but in a funny way :D Its so clever and original. I really like it.

    My favourite bit is probably the last two lines, its like it slowing down after you've been reading it really fast.
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by poketmouse | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, it's really good. I had to read it a few times to really get it. and it did kind of confuse me a bit, but it's still good...
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      nothing like playing with words... I like the idea of finding peace. piece by piece, and building how out of it... the maid that made it.. clever.
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is punny. I'm fond of wordplay, and I like this, but I think it might be too much of a good thing. Maybe it would be better if this were less dense with rhyme and homophones, it might have more of an impact. I'd put a comma after "piece by piece." There are a few places where you don't have anything at the end of lines that I think you need semicolons, so I'd check to see if the lines are complete sentences and choose appropriate punctuation accordingly.
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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