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Ignorance breeds pestolance on one who's abept to be of eye's shut tight.
So many titter netter here nor there to what toils on wings of despair.
See the dark that surrounds your heart, it's not who you think that bleeds with your evil wink.
We are forced to lay in your labriynth of hate.
It's not too late to throw dirt in my face.
I can't yet smell the trace of disgrace left forever behind in this disgusting place.
I will build you a castle, each grain of sand contains one soul of one man with one heart, two hands.
Open your eyes to the plight of those souls that waste their lives at your throne rejected and alone.
then you will see that it's easy to be still strong and aggressive yet kind and unrepressive.
| I am not entirely sure what to say about this. You have a lot of great thoughts here, but I think they are a bit lacking organizationally. The last few lines are really strong, and well done. |
This line actually could be the basis of another piece, it could even stand alone as a poem of its own, "I will build you a castle, each grain of sand contains one soul of one man with one heart, two hands."
|| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ] || It has a really good message, but I wouldn't have gotten it if you hadn't explained in your description. I still don't fully see how it means that exactly, but I'll take your word for it. I'm not much for deeper things, I like straightforwardness. But you make it sound so poetic, all the words that you use. I like the slight hint of a rhyme that you have; and like the commenter before me, I also agree that the last few lines are the best. And I'm glad you're a man now. Anyone with male reproductive capabilities can be a Father, but it takes a man to be a Daddy. And so far I haven't come across a man quite like my Dad, he left some big shoes to fill Good Job, this is the first time I come across your work||| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ] |