Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sweet Aversiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: african_skin
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.02 - 20/27/16
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angst
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 994



    Description:
       I WANT YOU TO FIGURE THIS ONE OUT. I HOPE EVERYONE CAN SEE MY WORDS FOR WHAT THEY ARE.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSweet Aversiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    She is caught in the candy canes,

    Chocolate kisses rain in her day.
    She sees pink and pristine,
    Her ink drops and creates a golden seam.

    Her cheeks are rosy,
    On her toes she leaps.
    Floating in lazy daydreams,
    She gleams as a tear of joy slips down her hinted cheek.

    Gliding forward in life she,
    Gets acquainted with intense eyes.
    Catching her in a spell,
    far beyond the twist and turns of her mind.
    She’s falling but she stands straight.
    A horn grazes her ear but she is in silent space.

    Candy canes melt,
    Kisses drain,
    As she feels the rash of terror,
    Spill over her plain,
    Knee High. Crying.
    Her cheeks are rose red blood.
    His eyes leap above her as she screams,
    She’s seeing her never-ending dreams.
    A tear slips down her cheek,
    She will never see pink again.







    Submitted on 2005-03-14 14:30:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was good the imagery was very vocal taking the person from pleasures to pain
    your word usage made it very vocal and lets the reader feel your words
    very nice
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      omg.....wow.....beautiful.....you actually got me tearing up after that. I keep hearing the last line in my head....over and over and over.....it's so moving... it stirs old memories of exboyfriends inside and it hurts....but lets me feel the poem even more....you are truely a great writer......a new favourite and I cant wait to read more by you!.

    ~Reveries~
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by reveries | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    50350

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry