Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: disturbedx1000
ASL Info:    28/m/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 204 /326 /124
Words: 102
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1854
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 622


idk just made it up as i went along...took me from 7:54-7:58 tell me what u think of it


stoling along in life as it slowly passes me by...
hopeing one day to see everything eye to eye...

the things i see are overwhelming with hope...
i try to grasp what they had and let go of the rope...

the rope that holds my ambitions at hand...
that drains from the liquid crystal sands...

dreams hold them in the hourglass...
waiting for my life to pass...

for once theglass is broken, the sand is free...
for all the world to see but me...

now i rest broken and torn...
for my next life, to be reborn...

Submitted on 2005-03-14 18:55:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Hi, I think this was OK!
Using the dots to mak the lines incomplete is fine, but I think it would work better if you use them a little more scarcely to emphasize sertain points in the poem.
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
  oh wow! I really loved this! the only line I would say didn't quite fit was "i try to grasp what they had and let go of the rope..." otherswise this was fantastic!
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by MystMaker | [ Reply to This ]
  Not bad my friend.
I really like how you broke up the lines in this.
And your use of dots makes me think that there are questions.

~use your illusions
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  good. I see that you feel as if your life is at a standstill and you are watching your dreams fade with reality that you will have to face real life soon. Good job.
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by St. Agatha | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm always intrigued by writing that touches on creation & destruction like you did. Gives me a vivid visual for angst, struggle & release then waiting. Seems especially relevant for your age...well done
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?