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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: chasing the dragondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


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    dotschasing the dragondots
    -------------------------------------------


    no one has a clue
    alone, in a room of black and blue.
    used viens...the same...bring warmth from pain,
    this devil's dance leaves nothing gained.
    find me; hold me
    don't expect a plea,
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    the lies are bold,
    or so i'm told,
    what friends are these that pry,
    that say they don't want me to die.
    find me, hold me
    don't expect a plea
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    the foil and flame are all i need
    to feed this addicts seed,
    this dragon's chase;
    swallowed….sunken face.
    find me, hold me
    don't expect a plea
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    lived a million miles;
    stolen countless smiles.
    take it back,
    all this black.




    Submitted on 2005-03-14 19:13:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      These are dark thoughts, despair, addiction -hopelessness.Some lines flow very well but others seemed forced...maybe it was too many rhymes in such a serious write., though much of it worked too...good luck
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      this seems to be pretty deep into the dark side of someone; almost like a suicide note or something. the repitiotion went with it well.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by aysha | [ Reply to This ]
      Very dark poem. I get a picture of a heroine addict sitting alone in a room. The black foil and flame showed this in particular. I think the strongest part of the poem is the repetition. It was the driving force throughout the piece. It made me feel the the speaker wanted to be helped but will not ask for it.
    Brad/Biff
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by 00nothing | [ Reply to This ]
      certainly dark, and very powerful. i loved your word usage, esp the line about "what friends are these..." you deffinatly have a talent for words.
    i would love to give you adivce/critisim for improvment, but i honestly can't think of anything.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by TT | [ Reply to This ]


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