[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: chasing the dragondots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotschasing the dragondots

    no one has a clue
    alone, in a room of black and blue.
    used viens...the same...bring warmth from pain,
    this devil's dance leaves nothing gained.
    find me; hold me
    don't expect a plea,
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    the lies are bold,
    or so i'm told,
    what friends are these that pry,
    that say they don't want me to die.
    find me, hold me
    don't expect a plea
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    the foil and flame are all i need
    to feed this addicts seed,
    this dragon's chase;
    swallowed….sunken face.
    find me, hold me
    don't expect a plea
    bring me back
    from this future, black.
    lived a million miles;
    stolen countless smiles.
    take it back,
    all this black.

    Submitted on 2005-03-14 19:13:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      These are dark thoughts, despair, addiction -hopelessness.Some lines flow very well but others seemed forced...maybe it was too many rhymes in such a serious write., though much of it worked too...good luck
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      this seems to be pretty deep into the dark side of someone; almost like a suicide note or something. the repitiotion went with it well.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by aysha | [ Reply to This ]
      Very dark poem. I get a picture of a heroine addict sitting alone in a room. The black foil and flame showed this in particular. I think the strongest part of the poem is the repetition. It was the driving force throughout the piece. It made me feel the the speaker wanted to be helped but will not ask for it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by 00nothing | [ Reply to This ]
      certainly dark, and very powerful. i loved your word usage, esp the line about "what friends are these..." you deffinatly have a talent for words.
    i would love to give you adivce/critisim for improvment, but i honestly can't think of anything.
    | Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by TT | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Ardent written by saartha
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Shading written by saartha
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Yearn written by saartha
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Eyes written by homeless
    Rough written by saartha
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    X written by homeless
    Untitled - May 14, 2017 written by homeless
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Variety written by saartha
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Merge written by saartha
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]