Little Silver Kitty-Cat by jinx

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Submission Name: Little Silver Kitty-Cat dots

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Author:	jinx
ASL Info:	16/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	4.37 - 44/58/26
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	332
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	668

Description:
eurgh. you can all guess by the end of this poem that it sure ain't about no kitty-cat. the purpose of this poem is A) well, duh. B) to be an improvement on a HORRIBLE poem i read called 'psycho cat' (upon which this is loosely based).
i know it needs a lot of work, but i havent posted in forever and this poem needs as much feedback as it can get. -Jinx

Little Silver Kitty-Cat dots

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One touch to my plastic skin
and little silver kitty-cat digs right in;
his real, intended purpose
is to rid the house of pests,
the truth is that inside my skin
is where he fits the best.
I call little silver kitty-cat,
out of his box he creeps.
I beg, "little silver kitty-cat,
cut my skin, again, so deep."
And little silver kitty-cat
delighted in his cause,
jumps right up and bites straight in
with silver rasor jaws.
Little silver kitty-cat
smooth and cold from end to end
for a carving, sinking moment
is my favourite silver friend.

Submitted on 2005-03-14 21:32:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Oddly, I really liked this poem! It's different from all the other cutting poems I've read and it didn't make me upset like some of them do. You put a nice twist on it. It has such a good flow to it, you really did a good job. The only thing that caught my eye in a not-so-good way is the very first line... 'tile-smooth skin' just doesn't sit right with me. It doesn't fit with the rest of the poem. Just thought I'd tell ya... other than that I don't think it needs any work.
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, i remember what it was like with my first time too..but i dont think that i could put my emotions into it as much as you did with this piece. this is an excellent piece..most cutting poems, including my own, are a little redundant and boring after a while..but you put a new spin on it..and it was really good. Keep up the good work..you are amazing.
| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
  Emotional. Years ago I remeber having a long finger nail and used it scrath in al ine on my skin, just as long as I didn't bleed, but just hurt myself, because Iwas extremely hurt. I still have that scar and it is a reminder for me not to make other peopleo or this cruel world hurt me, atleast not permanently like a scar. I never had the passion it seems like you have for your silver kitty-cat, I remember thinking it was a clishe. I knew I wasn't in a that desperate situation, but with the pain I kept inside, I felt releasement. Now I'd rather want you to write a lot of poems about pain, than you hurting yourself, because we both know you will regret in future. good luck further on, wish you well.
Greta
| Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by ablast | [ Reply to This ]
  You've done a more proper interpretation of the thoughts behind cutters-I'll try one soon, as I've done many on suicide (I read many but appreciate the sentiments of few, so I apparently succeeded at giving more depth to teen suicide).

...Unspecified?

Well, I'll go out of my jurisdiction and give you a good working over:

First of all, I really think a cutting poem is easier to present in free verse, with an off-kilter, mind-jarring rhyme scheme at best, because it better portrays the mindsets of those who want to hurt themselves. Whereas those who wish to die often are grieved and calm, cutters instead instill longing and, for the most part intense self-loathing. Anyway, since I can't agree with the nature of cutting, I wouldn't think it proper to put it in a reasonable form, either, but that's your own opinion, and I respect your work as is, already.

As an improvement of someone else's work, I applaud it, because it shows polish; your diction is definitely beyond the quagmire of amateurs, and you no doubt put thought and effort into writing something with emotion, rather than expecting emotion to jump into the poem as you clattered away. I'm inclined toward appreciation of the way your rhymes are undisciplined, and the capitalization is pretty random, and most definitely prefer "silver kitty cat" over "knife, blade, edge, tip" and such ilk.

This is really just a thought-the customary pronoun for all objects is she rather than he, so in reference to the tool I'd imagine a female would be more fitting, unless, as a female yourself, it seems more understandable for implements of self-infliction be masculine. I don't really see the stereotypical male taking the knife to himself, but...as I said, that's just a point of consideration.

About the pests, portion: as far as my understanding goes cutters despise both life in general and themselves a great deal. So it might be worth mentioning that the speaker thinks just as much evil is beneath her skin, so the kitty is needed more urgently in her flesh, rather than about the house.

Umm...other than that, I'd look up more synonyms for cut, slice, incise, and try to add a bit more vivid imagery to the poem. Well done.
| Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by EternitysLyre | [ Reply to This ]
  I see such talented young writers on this website and it pains me when the topic they write so beautifully on is one like this. There seem to be so many cutters out there and before I came to this site, I had never even heard the term. I hope that you and the other youth who cut out there can get some help for this and can begin to write beautiful poetry about trying to be a part of this life instead of trying to escape it. I know it is hard...especially at your age, but please know that hurting yourself is not the answer- ever. Magnolia
| Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
  thanks to everyone who's commented so far. right now i think what i really need help with is finding a way to describe my skin (in the first line) i just cant think of anything that feels right and makes sense. so, if anyone has a suggestion, i would love to hear it.
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]

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