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Mind Control

Author: Eggman
Elite Ratio:    6.99 - 408 /348 /59
Words: 787
Class/Type: Story /Satire
Total Views: 2331
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 4501


Mind Control


“Tonight we asess the great risks and perils facing American soldiers as they marched patriotically-” * “Down the hall and to the right.” The young girl smiled and bowed politely, thanking the receptionist. The place was cold and sterile, lined with a pale, green tile that reminded her of a morgue she had been in as a child. The association was unpleasant and it showed on her face.

She passed several nurses, all of them smiling jovially. It was a wonder to Sarah they could remain so bright in these bleak surroundings; in these past minutes alone she felt she had aged several years. A slight hum prevailed in the background, and Sarah had trouble deciding whether it was a type of machinery or the screams of a patient from the upper floors.

She found room 119 and peeked in, unsure of what to expect. The room was the same sickly lime as the rest of the building. It was bare and unfurnished. Her brother lay listlessly on a gurney and beside him sat his doctor, who spotted Sarah and said, “Please, Sarah. Sit down.” She took the unoccupied folding chair and slumped in despair.

“What happened?” Not once did Sarah look up at the Doctor.

He sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. She cried. “We’ve got some bad news. Your brother-” * “Roberts?”

The dashing young man looked up from his desk, a sly smile across his face. “Yes, toots? What can I do for you?” At the door she stopped hesitantly. “Don’t worry, doll,” said Roberts, “It’s against my policy to bite beautiful women.”

She swallowed her doubt. “Look, here’s the deal, alright? I’ve got this guy down at Blue Tunes-”

“Blue Tunes? On West 43rd?”

“That’s the one. So I’m down there for a drink, right, and some guy has the mind to grab a piece of me. I get up and I tell him, I says, ‘Try that again and I’ll knock your face in.’ He gives me one of those loose glances and pats me on the ass. So next minute I’m rolling him over sideways, and after we bust a few tables the manager comes out and throws this guy off, right, and then he turns to me and says-” * “What’s the Magic Word today, friends?” * “Pathetic!”

“What?” Chris had just come upon the realization, and was deflated.

“Utterly pathetic. You had a perfect opportunity and you didn’t even take it?”

“It didn’t occur to me at the time.” This baffled his friend.

“Didn’t occur to you?” he said, rising and clenching his hands in frustration. “How could that not occur to you? Every guy in America would die to have this opportunity, and it didn’t occur to you?” He sat down again and took a deep breath, reordering the events in his mind. Chris kept his stony silence. “So let me get this straight. She came here?” Chris nodded. “And she was just stopping by-” * “-the plains of Africa. This land is home to some of the most extraordinary-” * “Father?”

Slowly he turned his head from the window. “Have you finished your work, Sister?” The quiet was so loud that it echoed through the church. She trembled. “Don’t think about it. It had to be done. You know that.”

“I do.”

The Father let out a heavy breath. “Then you have done your service to the Lord today.” He turned back to the window.

Behind him she sobbed. “But what do I tell Sister Mary?” * “Tell him to suck a lemon.” * “Oh my God! Don’t you boys ever think about the consequences? Didn’t we teach you any decency?” She charged forward, steaming. “What do you have to say for yourselves?” * He smiled.

“I plead the Fifth.” * “The evidence that will henceforth be shown in this courtroom strongly suggests-” * “-that Lemon-Glo is strongest brand of cleaner-” * “-on the showroom floor today.”

“What do you think, Bob?” *

“-I’m tired of everyone laying the blame on-” * “Michael Jackson-” * “-and I’m sure everyone will agree with me when I say that-” * “-I want to stop seeing people dancing around the-” * “-point of-” * “-madness.”


“I’m bored.”

“Yeah… Let’s go do something else.”

Submitted on 2005-03-15 18:14:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I had no idea what was going on until about halfway through. Once I could follow it, though, it was quite amusing and entertaining and YAY!
And yes, it can be quite mind controlling. I'm glad the person watching snapped out of it.

| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by MaeBirdie | [ Reply to This ]

First thing I have read in here for a while and I must have chosen the hardest! To take it in, firstly I was impressed by the opening story and was getting involved when the story changed. Then looking for connections in the following stories and find myself frustrated as not being able to pinpoint or clarify in my mind
what it was all about. Very much getting involved with one thing and then clicking to another! LOL I then took in the title and the picture at the top and realised what was accurring! :) We have all had this experience when someone else has had the remote haven't we! (hehe)

I liked some of the writing in this piece and it left me feeling that I wanted to read more, (of the one programme) that is. :)

"It's against my policy to bite beautiful women."
"She swallowed her doubt."

A good first one to read very inspiring and thought provoking!

Could do with some more work on it???

Jess xx :)
| Posted on 2005-03-19 00:00:00 | by Jess | [ Reply to This ]
  hehe... the tv is in my brain! first.. here's some um.. technical suggestions...

in the third paragraph, i dont think you need a comma between same and sickly...

in the paragraph that starts out: "She swallowed her doubt." i think there should be a question mark after alright cause it reads wierd as a statement...

i thought as an idea this is good, though it reminds me of this commercial i saw the other day... so, i guess it made an extra statement to me then... it gives the idea of possible subliminal messaging.. like, it doesnt really amtter what you're watching.. cause big brother is gonna convey his message no matter what...

the ending didnt really do it for me... i think it could've been put together a little better... make a better statement.. but.. it's your story and you can do what you want with it... it kept me interested.. it wasnt too long and winded.. which is my problem when it comes to stories..

um.. i'm not sure what else to say.. not sure how to give a proper critique to a story.. i know i liked it for the most part...

oh yeah...
i hate tv...

*turns tv off
| Posted on 2005-03-15 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
  This was very fun to read. I'm impressed/humbled by what is obviously a very creative mind. To be able to put something like this together, changing from story to story at random and speratically like you've done without totally confusing the reader takes skill and a command over the language, which you have demonstrated that you have here. Parts like

“I plead the Fifth.” * “The evidence that will henceforth be shown in this courtroom strongly suggests-” * “-that Lemon-Glo is strongest brand of cleaner-” * “-on the showroom floor today.”


I want to stop seeing people dancing around the-” * “-point of-” * “-madness.”

where smart and funney but i doubt everyone who reads this will get it.

Good Job and keep working out that creative muscle. YOu are truly on fire man.
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
This was killer.
I had the biggest problem following it. But now I get it. I'm alot slow today, so I had to go back and read it again.
How did you come up with such a nuts idea? I thought maybe there was some sort of hidden message in here... is there a hidden message? It reminds me of the icecream man.
I freakin' love it. I myself, am not a channel flipper, but I'm going to do that. Go through, listen to each channel for about 5 seconds, (with my eyes closed of course) and switch.
Is that how you came up with all of that? Or did you just... imagine yourself flipping the channels?
This is crazy. I understand why T.V. is NOT good for you. youhatehonesty was right when he said mind numbing... tv is terrible for that. I think people go into a slight acoma when they watch tv.
Anyways, I enjoyed it, I just started a new story of my own, hope your having a fabulous day, and thanks for the long analysis on my prose... that piece needs A-LOT of work. I went back and read some of my old stuff... and in comparison its horrid.
Happy St. Patricks Day, I hope you wear GREEN!
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
  Quite the surreal piece. Kept me wondering what the story would be till the end. I would separate the quotes into paragraphs but maybe that's intentional on your part to keep the confusion factor going.


| Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]

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