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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Flickerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tidal33
    ASL Info:    25/F/Vegas
    Elite Ratio:    2.28 - 20/28/23
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 868



    Description:
       This is a poem/writing about the undeniable sense of insecurty we harbor inside of us. In order to deal with it we make excuses, try to hide who we really are, by creating a sheild we hope no one will see through. In the end we have no one to blame for the pain but ourselves. Without the expectations we place on ourselves we might find it easier to breathe.


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    dotsFlickerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A flicker and the light fades
    Proving nothing lasts forever.
    While passing time gives thanks to no one
    Providing only the sense of regret,
    Allowing for unjust rebelion.

    So we lose track of reality.
    Blaming all but ourselves,
    Unable to come to our senses.
    Change brings us to our knees
    Exposing the true flesh of our insecurities.

    The unknown flickers it's crafty ways
    Leaveing no room for ignorance.
    While we try and sheild ourselves from the inevitable,
    We are left with only transparent sheets.

    And while the art of belonging becomes harder to master
    We realize the light was never there at all
    That the flicker was just a figment of ones imagination
    Placed their by the bias views of our own personal society.




    Submitted on 2005-03-16 00:45:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this very much, the flicker seemed to be able to be so many things (to me at least) and the enitre thing fit in perfectly. The flow was pretty good to and I hope to see more
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      wow it sounds like a fire burning inside
    your imagination is so vivid and vivaciious
    good writing keep up the good work
    you can visualize it
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the line "and while the art of belonging becomes harder to master" very original! one thing thou, I think you use a few words too many times= WE, ONE, OURSELVES and OUR. I try to never have the same word more than twice (notice i said try :) instead use words with the same meaning, or close to it. that way it helps with visualization. simple words like, we, and, it, our for example helps create pictures in the readers head and if you use that word too many times they get "stuck" with that visual and your imagery stops to flow.
    At least thats my opinion :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Deacon | [ Reply to This ]
      "That the flicker was just a figment of ones imagination
    Placed their by the bias views of our own personal society." that would be my favorite line it is very original. i think you should use more play on words. don't use words that mean the same all the time. i think you did a "Great Job" it was my pleasure to read it.
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by mable noyes | [ Reply to This ]


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