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Love and Appeal


Author: Deacon
Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 19 /23 /9
Words: 62
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1373
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 364



Description:


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


Love and Appeal



When I see your redlights shine my metal starts to grind.
Your smile hits my windshield as I turn toward your thights.
The sweat sleek highway spins out of control.
Seatbelt tightens.
Loss of breath.
The sound of the break as my heart hits the wheel.
The pounding is all I feel as I roll into the ditch of love and appeal.




Submitted on 2005-03-16 09:34:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  You piece is a fresh allegory comparing sex with a car crash, how come everyone found that so hard to understand?
The language is fairly concise although I'm not quite sure of the 'love and appeal' there is very little between these two things. I'd use one or the other.
Your collocation is some of the best I've seen on this site. I think however the word 'toward' is too harsh and doesn't create the sensual atmosphere you want. I'd just use to.
| Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
  You piece is a fresh allegory comparing sex with a car crash, how come everyone found that so hard to understand?
The language is fairly concise although I'm not quite sure of the 'love and appeal' there is very little between these two things. I'd use one or the other.
Your collocation is some of the best I've seen on this site. I think however the word 'toward' is too harsh and doesn't create the sensual atmosphere you want. I'd just use to.
| Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm... this piece really makes me think... It is clearly about a car crash, but I am a little bit confused on the overall meaning... the Ditch of love and appeal is probably the most confusing combination of words in this writing... Dont get me wrong, its very good, but even if your writing makes someone think, you should want to put enough to make them finally understand what was trying to be conveyed... Overall a pretty good writing, keep it up.
.Caleb.
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Exquisite_Death | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, I can definitely tell that this is about a car crash, but this is very confusing to follow. If you can try to make it easier for people to understand the true meaning, then I am sure that people can enjoy it more. Don't get me wrong, it is well written, and you certainly have talent. But yeah, I agree, I had to really think on this one, which is not a bad thing at all, but you have to fill in the gaps per se. Overall, good work
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]


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