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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ashdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paradox
    ASL Info:    33/m/Earthbound
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 1055/434/90
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1952
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 799



    Description:
       This is translated from romanian so maybe it has lost some of its power because of it. I hope you like it anyway...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAshdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak

    I always thought
    That there should be mourning at birth
    And laughter at funerals

    When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak

    Life is not about living at all
    But rather
    Itís about how you die

    When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak

    We are born to die and maybe
    Just maybe
    We die to be born again

    When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak

    The doctor cutting the umbilical cord
    Wears a white mask
    But still he is an executioner

    When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak

    I saw death the instant I was born
    I cried




    Submitted on 2005-03-16 11:38:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this. Very powerful and makes one think about about possibilities, uncertainty and the unknown. We are not guaranteed anything in this life, except, of course, the inevitable... I like the lines about the MD, oddly enough it is true. We are all dying from the moment we are born and this poem makes the reader think about how it will end, when, and the thought of being born again adds a great deal as well. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2016-10-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2012-07-13 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry, I can't agree with the theme "born to die"
    We were created to be immortal, the death we face is for the failure to follow GODS law. Yet this need not be eternal death if acceptance Of the gift of JESUS as the paid debt, eraseing that debt.
    Yet it is true, that many are born to die, because they will fail to make the transition to a new life.
    | Posted on 2011-07-02 00:00:00 | by DUSTYTU | [ Reply to This ]
      alright this is a shot,
    not what i would award as a ribbon poster, but morbid in its goth appeal,
    how to die good line one
    also
    doctors do heal with knives
    also
    i saw death in the eyes of the next to die and the shadow of its vanity is blind and full of fear,
    rage
    all good parts of this poem

    only thing i think i would resist in the ribbon gift is the content of the refrain, a bit dry and small...fatten it with flowers or pungent
    | Posted on 2010-01-26 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]
      AWESOMENESS! are you one of the best? I saw a ribbon next to it, now I know it's as awesome as the ribbon says.
    | Posted on 2009-12-19 00:00:00 | by 13thprotector | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read this piece before, it's curiously familiar. You may be right about the other world being the one that is real, I'm sure of it.

    But I think we're commissioned as humans and our goal is to further higher consciousness with whatever gifts we've been given.

    Beautiful work, thanks for sharing.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2008-11-23 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      What a way to get people thinking!!! I have felt this way for as long as I can remember yet I was not able to put it in words, as you so professionally did! This has got to be one of my favorites...NICE!
    | Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an awsesome piece and thank you for the comment on mine. I never thought about being born that way and it made me think
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by Strawberryjynx | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this thoroughly. i'm not one for poems but I enjoyed the ending.
    | Posted on 2008-05-15 00:00:00 | by Den Vilotoir | [ Reply to This ]
      good...great "life in turn for death" sequences/....
    | Posted on 2007-12-02 00:00:00 | by iaida | [ Reply to This ]
      too much repetitions but still this poem surprises me for it has 324 readers to claim i know you are telling about life death related issues mainly a poem consists of them or atleast mine do.
    i didnt know it was a translation
    from which is it translated


    lastly not a bad poem

    a good one
    | Posted on 2007-07-25 00:00:00 | by SAMEER | [ Reply to This ]
      can you post the romanian version of this? i'm interested in how you originally meant the poem to be
    | Posted on 2007-03-23 00:00:00 | by sailorliones | [ Reply to This ]
      o man this is a sikk poem it really made me think aabout some of the things religeon may hav taught us but also science with reincarnation and all but dude its a touching poem man keep it up i really enjoyed it also teaches a meaning, a meaning of hope and what might happen.
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by panzyrocker | [ Reply to This ]
      Damm right. We are born to die. The doctor is an executioner. I've said this to many people before. I've inadvertently touched on it in some of my work since my stuff is either agressive or depressive. I like this though as a single specific topic to write about and you did it well. Some people might be turned off to the repeated lines but I like it Helll I do it myself. That's what is great about poetry, you can do whatever the fucc you want.

    Take care
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      I had a class in New Testament in college taught by a

    Catholic priest. And his impression was that Christ's sacrifice was not in dying , but in having to leave the Father in the first place. Your write reminded me of this.

    But the other idea is that the work to make a better world is being done here, now and if we want to be a part of it, we can't look upon life as sorrow.

    Beautiful job, thanks for sharing,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Realistic, very moving, very striking. Every line seems a punchline and the repetitions of stanza:
    'When you cannot breathe
    Itís hard to speak'
    is a smart way to control the flow of the poem. Birth and death, we like not to view things upside down because they scare us.

    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem touched me in a way that no other poem has touched me

    I get the feeling that you were refering to us leaving heaven to come to the Earth
    Yes the world can be cold but there is many ways to heat oneself in this life on Earth
    I believe we are here to spread Gods love and give to others the love that we have been given

    Once again an Incredible Write
    Great Job
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    and
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great really makes one stop and think
    very deep thought process, i picked this one to comment on as it is my daughters name great write and geat read
    thanx for the comment on sandman
    i am glad you enjoyed
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there. Wow. I don't think I've come across your profile on here before. But I am glad that I did. This is beautiful writing. Just absolutely beautiful writing.

    The words just had such great power behind them. As dmm said in his/or her previous comment, I felt a kinship with you as I read this. This piece is exquisite. I am highly impressed. And I wouldn't dare change a single word of this. I do wish that I read Romanian so that I might relate more closely to the original piece.

    Anyway...much love to ya.

    -Samantha
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt a kinship with you as I read this piece. I have often asked the question of people that if God is wonderful and heaven so beautiful, why are we all fighting so hard to stay out of it? Also I believe that we are reborn. Hell is being seperated from our creator. You have written a fine piece here and I look forward to reading more of your material. dmm
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      hold friggin sh*t... that had to be the most powerful piece every.. it was purley perfect... I don't eve nknow what to say.. the words wer e great and they fit... the fact that you used the same "stanza" over after every line really brought me in and fit well... the emotion was great and at the end I felt so much taht I could even describe it... this is definitely going in the fav's section.
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      I would love to read the Romanian version if of course I could read Romanian. This is really powerful and the only thing I can think is holy [censored]. Kinda like bleedbroken. It's exquisite work and I wouldn't want to change a thing about it. Awesome write and most deffinately a new favorite.

    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a powerful piece despite it being a translation. I love the echoing feeling that the repetitive lines give...like a mantra.
    The opening stanzas connect in a way as if the dead is trying to speak, but perhaps the berieved also is trying to speak through a chest too tight with tears to breathe.
    You did a wonderful job transfering us to birth with the thought that it is it's own kind of death and that in dying there is a rebirth, and that life ends and begins with someone crying.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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