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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Guessed Againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dipsomniac
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 59/70/18
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1324



    Description:
       This is a little song from a day that I got caught of guard by a girl who I could've sworn liked me, but then said she didn't. Okay, so a few days later she changed her mind again, but this was written in that "in between" time, as it were.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Guessed Againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I thought we were holding on
    And I guessed again, I was wrong
    Every word from every song
    Couldn’t save this dying thing

    But hey, don’t feel so down
    Put a smile in place of that frown
    Take those thorns and put on your crown
    This is not your broken wing

    Powerless and useless
    A few good words to go
    The thing I thought was obvious
    Was really going so slow

    Time and again
    I’ll come back my friend
    I’ll be back ‘round the bend
    And that’s all I’ve got to say

    I’m sure you’ll be back again
    Till then I’ll wait in what we’ve been
    You threw me off back then
    But I’m here to stay

    Powerless and useless
    A few good words, who knows?
    The one I thought was flawless
    Brought me down so low

    You’re so beautiful tonight
    And you know we’re so right
    So please come and hold me tight
    Come and set me free

    Your eyes are driving me
    Crazy, and they’re all I see
    So please come and kiss me
    Don’t ever let me be

    Powerless and useless
    A few good times, who knows?
    Maybe they’ll bring you back again
    Maybe they’ll make your love grow




    Submitted on 2005-03-16 15:22:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this, i hope you don' take this in a bad wat but I think it's cute. When I was reading it I actually thought it represented something more serious and I related it to being torn apart by love, but then again that's me with my pessimistic ways, sorry! Anyway, yeah great structure and good rhymes. Particularly liked;
    "Your eyes are driving me
    Crazy, and they’re all I see
    So please come and kiss me
    Don’t ever let me be"
    Everyone has felt that and if they've not they're missing out! Hope things work out with the girl but don't let her mess you around!
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry I have no comment right now I just have to write something because i am feeling it right now and I have a great Idea and I am under my quota so I needed to make a comment. I hope you don't mind
    AL
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Al | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, I really thought you did something fresh with the flow of this poem. I wasn't so sure I liked some of the phrasing in this piece though. I did think you did a good job of detailing how you felt about someone and not sounding pitiful or arrogant, or any of those things. There was just something I felt was missing from the piece.

    I liked the last two stanzas the best, out of the piece, I thought that they made a nice summary of what you were trying to put across.

    It was sort of one of those pieces that I like, but don't quite love. My suggestion is reading it through and maybe swapping out some things you don't feel are necessary.

    -Emma-
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, nice nice, once again you did it man! have you ever sung any of these songs to your peers, Im sure they would love to hear them. This was well written, a few cliché ryhmes, like "tonight" "right" hold me "tight" if you truly want to have an original song change some of those types of words, because Ive heard those same words used together in almost the same way that you did in several mainstream songs. May favorite stanza is the one that ends with"this is not your broken wing", that stanza I found very witty and full of thought.
    You are beautiful,
    J.C. Prescott

    P.s. "How happy the blameless vestal's lot
    The world forgotten by the world forgot
    Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
    Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned"
    Alexander Pope, Eloisa to Abelard.
    (I just read the whole poem)
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]


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    50599

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