Description: If you want to know what this is about read "his pain." Its about the same issue or just comment on theflow and my horrid spelling. lol. well tell me what you think. Thanks guys!
Hannah
Waithing for that day to come
When I must face the greatest hate
That tares me up inside
Just hopping that he'll be alive
Not carring if he hates me
Just wanting him to live
Watching my hell burn
Burn from his inferno
His hate that I forced upon him
That caused his heart to blacken
The pain that he dwells in
Is to much for me to bare
With visible scars across his cheast
And branding his heart in hell
He lies dieing now
On the cells concret floor
That shows no mercy to his pain
Hmm its quite a simplistic poem but i dont know, theres just something about it that i like. Maybe its the whole metaphorical image you put out like "watching my HELL burn". I like your devices and how your rhyme scheme is irregular. Overall you've done a great job. I lik this poem. Its good.
I like I like the metaphor. I thought that was a great one to think of.. I mean it is so original. The flow can be worked on... But pretty much it was easy to read.. You want people to comment on your spelling? Well this is what I got.. Simple things to clear up. These are the ones that came to my head... tares = tears hopping= hoping carring= caring cheast=chest.. Well I dont think I should go on.. But they are silly mistakes. I think with you clearing them up.. This will be a really neat piece.. good luck
Submission Name: waiting
