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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You Hurtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: throughmyvoice
    ASL Info:    19/f/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 69/113/51
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/What is
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       constructive criticism welcome...any comments would really help


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Hurtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Focus, Focus
    Just on the pain
    The depth of the needle
    Is your own little game
    Block out the arguments
    Fog out the fights
    Scratch, prick, scar
    Concentrate on the sight
    Feel the hurt outside
    Lose the hurt within
    This need to bleed
    To puncture the skin
    Overlook the lost friendships
    Neglect the messy break-up
    In control of the pricks
    You set the stakes up
    Scratch, slash, slice
    Scrape, score, engrave
    Hack, chop, incise
    Memories of pain
    Put what's in on the out
    More long sleeves, less skirts
    Each souvenir a shout
    To the world: You hurt




    Submitted on 2005-03-16 22:25:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have so much potential. This write was interesting, just to look at your viewpoint on the subject.
    The crappy subject.
    The boring subject. The "poor me, I'm another teen who cannot deal with something perfectly normal so I'll just go and stick a pair of scissors in my arm until everyone tells me how great I am" subject.
    Do yourself two favours.
    Dump your sharps and open your mind. You sound like every other teen sheep bleating, when you could apply your intelligence and ability to something much more worthwhile.

    You can get kudos from kids, if that floats your boat. Or you can get credit from writers who actually know what they're talking about rather than vainly upping their comment ratio at the expense of ego.
    | Posted on 2005-03-19 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      i can really reate to what the subject of this poem is going through. I have been a cutter for a while now. it can take its own toll on your mind. this reminds me a little of one of my own poems called bleed. you should check it out. if this is about u i hope you feel better and can stop what ur doing... i havent been able to. :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good. It seemed that you expressed your feeling in this poem. I don't see anything wrong with this piece.hope to hear from you. keep writiing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounded really good and brought some pretty sad memorys back. The only thing I have is that the entire things seems a bit bunched together and makes it a bit hard to read. Other then that this is really great and I hope to read more from you soon.
    | Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]


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