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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Buster (A Story for Children)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 371
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1273
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1896



    Description:
       People tell me to write kid's stories all of the time, so I did. This is still VERY rough, so let me know what you think. I do intend to flesh this out, but I'm not sure what should happen on his journey to see the king. I don't want it to be too much like The Wizard of Oz. I'm not sure what to call it either. Any advice would be appriciated. Perhaps some vague ideas about what should happen on the journey aould be nice.

    I'm dedicating this to Nansofast and Magnicat.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBuster (A Story for Children)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    McKayla had an old, fat cat that she loved more than any doll or frilly dress. He was always the guest of honor at every tea party. She?d read him stories and rock him to sleep in her rocking chair, and she?d dress him in sweaters and hats. She thought he was the most handsome cat in the entire world.

    McKayla was only three, but the cat had been her mother?s. Her mom named him Buster because he?d burst a red balloon once by swatting at it with his paw. Buster had already lived eight cat lives, and now he was too tired to chase a bird or a pest, so when McKayla wasn?t playing with him, Buster slept most of the time, and he dreamed of being a frisky kitten again.

    One day, McKayla fell ill. Buster was sad because he didn?t have anyone to brush and cuddle him. He missed watching her play princess and ballerina. He watched her for days lying in bed fevered and chilled. Buster thought of what to do because he knew that worrying wasn?t doing any good.

    He decided to go see Leo, the great King of Cats. The journey was long, and Buster was often afraid of large dogs and strangers he met along the way; he worried so much that his gray fur littered the path, but he didn?t give up until he reached the king?s castle. Buster begged Leo to save her because Leo was good at things like that. Buster had lived long enough to see his own children grow old, so he agreed to give his last life to save McKayla.

    After King Leo worked his magic, the child began to wake. As she opened her eyes, she called out for Buster. This brought tears to Leo?s eyes, and he couldn?t take Buster away. He decided to reward his kindness instead, so though McKayla is grown, Buster still lives. He can outrun any mouse, but he?d never bother to eat one because he knows they only have one life, and he?s had at least eighteen.




    Submitted on 2005-03-17 02:09:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I do appreciate a story, the ability to create a world all your own is a great pleasure indeed. Keep writing and creating these worlds. Take care.
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      I was wandering through ES... wasting time, really.
    I saw that this was a story for children, and had to come running.
    At the wise ole age of 17, you'll find that I still watch Aladdin (I spent 2 hours watching Spongebob last night -he has that LAUGH- while trying to handle the adult responsibilities of seriously listening to my beloved boyfriend and do college level psych homework)
    so this was something I had to see.

    Everyone else already gave you suggestions on new ideas, and how to improve on what you have already.

    I'm just here to say I think that Buster was a good idea-an enjoyment to come along and read about Buster. I found him to be a fascinating hero and wonder if you'll do more with him.
    If so... tell me. It's a nice change from the ordinary, and I don't have to turn to Toon Disney to see it.

    ~Akhi~
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, Ames :)
    What a nice change, to find a story from you... I think that this was very sweet, definitely something that small children would enjoy.

    I think that it would be interesting to read of Buster's adventures, it's easy to write narratively, the details are what is important. It shouldn't bee to dofficult to include the accounts of his antics; you don't even need to go into full-length chapters but could instead elaborate a little.

    "The journey was long, and Buster was often afraid of large dogs and strangers he met along the way". One time, Buster was very hungry, as he'd travelled days and nights without stopping for food. He'd found a dumpster in an alleyway and had to face a challenge from a territorial tomcat/ escape an angry restrateur/got locked inside and taken away in a dustcart when the dumpster was emptied, which set him further back on his journey.
    Just a little more attention paid to the story.
    Also, King Leo sounds amazing! We don't often hear of the King of Cats, so tell us something about him. Where did he live? A palace made of fishbones, or a sumptious manor with plump cushions for snoozing and thick carpets to scratch? What kind of magic did King Leo do? How did Buster know of him? ETC ETC.

    This is a good skeleton of your idea and with some application you could really make it shine. I have a beautiful set of images in my head; the illustrations for this would be... not old-fashioned but very soft and delicate. I see that Mary disliked "frilly" and while I don't mind that word, I understand her point. I myself described frilly dresses as flouncy.. maybe that could work for you too?
    But yes, a sweet story, and heartwarming too. Thanks for a lovely read
    | Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very nice story you have here. but you should work on it a little more. I like the idea very much. but I want to know more about Buster's journey, what he had to go through to get to Leo. then is the story a bit, well, rigid (in lack of a better word...). you should go away from just telling it. maybe tell it through Buster's eyes. your narrator has to be a bit 'nearer' to the story itself to make it more vivid. but I really like what you already have here. well done, Amy.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh, cuddle, this is really beautiful and the theme fits very well. Love is a renewal of life force, spirtual and true. I like how your characters realize this, it makes it a perfect children's story.. and that's what we should teach, love above all else.
    I hope you write some other stories about Buster and McKayla. Thanks for dedicating this to Cat and me, much love and big hugs,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so sweet, Amy. it makes me think of my own Buster who died about 3 years ago. he was a beautiful soul, and i miss him still. he's probably hanging out with Leo the Great, don't you think? i'd definitely like to hear more about Buster and his travels to see Leo and the adventures that he has with McKayla as she grows older. great job! and thanks so much for the dedication to me and my girl. that is so very sweet of you. i'll tuck this away in my favs. can't wait to hear more!
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      How wonderful. I love the imagery of Buster pressing on even though his fur is falling out and he is afraid. I do like a happy ending because they do occur in the world. As wewak11 says it's not against the law for the good guys to win. Please write children's stories. I need more of them to read. Lynn
    | Posted on 2005-03-19 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      Very very nice.

    This was very creative and fun to read.
    I wish I could write a childrens story but I don't have the mindset to do so.

    The names you use where very kid friendly and the story was of a happy tone. Something we need here at ES happy things.

    Leo the King of Cat.

    And McKayla reminded me so much of my neice Makyla.
    If you don't mind I would like to print this out for her to read.

    ~use your illusions
    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I see this with pictures...I love kitty stories!
    Very cute. My neices would love it! I like how he got his name with the balloon.

    Two little issues..."Frilly dress". Frilly somehow feels negative. I loved dresses when I was a kid, but for some reason frilly feels scratchy or starchy...does that make sense? Anyway, I remember loving dresses with skirts that twirled...perhaps she could love the cat more than her ballerina dress or her dress with the twirly skirt...(that's really nitpicky)
    Also, I feel as if you jump worlds really quickly. We're in human world and suddenly we jump to kitty fantasy land. Perhaps there could be a little section about Buster's secret...to describe the secret world that humans don't know about or something.
    This is darling! My Big Don (18 lb white angora) would love this.
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      Awwwww HUn, what a heartwarming story..Worthy of an entry in Chicken Soup for the Soul.It tugged my heart strings. Teach me to write like you please.You are a wonderful wordsmith.

    As for childrens story...yes definitely. Title's mmm...Buster's Greatest Gift, or To Catch a Life, or simply, Buster or even It's a Cat's Life :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww I want a kitty cat like Buster! This was really interesting. Even for us teens. :) It would be awesome to see illustrations to this. It's so simple for the children and very imaginative. I really liked it. Oh, the ending, so Buster lived on through McKayla? That's what I got from it anyway. :) Great job. You should post more of these. It makes me feel like a kid again. ;)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this Amy and also feel that you could do great things with it. It could be a wonderful children's book with illustrations and the whole package- you could really develop each of the characters and make it great. I love the gist of the story, but feel that it is only a beginning and that you have alot more hiding up your sleeve. This has been well recieved so far and I think you would do well to give more to your hungry readers. I keep trying to find a title in my mind that I think would fit better than just Buster- The Many Lives of Buster The Cat- Buster and the King of Cats- Buster the Brave- I'll keep thinking. I think you should make this longer, but just as simple for that is what I love about this piece. Good "beginning"...(smiles)...xo Magnolia
    PS My daughter Savanna would love this...she has an old stuffed cat named Alley-Oop that she has had since she was 4. She still dresses that thing up and takes better care of it than her 2 REAL cats. I will read it to her and see what she thinks.
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this story. I am going to read it to my kids tonight. I agree though that there could be so much more to this. Maybe you just wrote a draft to something bigger.
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by littledifferent | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello Amy,
    This is a very sweet tale. Being a animal lover I always am drawn toward a good animal story and this is one. It is so good that I wish it had just a little more to it. I think Busters journey to see Leo could have been a little more involved but that is just a thought for consideration and in no way do I mean to take away from a very well contrived story. Nice work! Dan
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good start. I'd like to know a LOT more about Buster's journey. Kind of an Oz-like quality to this. There's a lot to explore here and I hope you'll continue with this.

    The one negative is that you use too much of the passive voice [writing poetry is not good practice for story writing, unfortunately], but that's easily correctable. Keep going with
    this! :-)
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, you must know how good this is! I don't normally bother reading stories, but, as you have before, you dragged me into it and took me to the end with a wonderful tale. Thanks for writing a story with a happy ending ([censored], it's not against the law for us good guys to win) and thanks for making my day. Be happy, Graeme.
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats a wonderful story! So nice and so free flowing. It's been a looong time since I've read something so nice here. I like the rhyme, like the way you wrote it and above all liked the lil moral at the end of it! CONGRATULATIONS! Will make it a point to read all the stuff posted by you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-17 00:00:00 | by kochu | [ Reply to This ]


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