Description: Not sure if this is any good...just thought I'd throw it out there.
My Grandmother's Mirror -------------------------------------------
Smooth and polished,
with a beveled edge,
hung carelessly on a wall
of ancient plaster, rotting wood.
Watching, always, seeing....
everything.
Relfecting only truth
and the rocking
of an old woman's chair.
oo i liked the feelings this provoked. a common object put in an original light. only suggestion was that i didnt like how you punctuated
[[Watching, always, seeing... everything.]]
i felt there were too many comas and i had to go back and read it a couple times to feel for the beat of it. but thats just me, so write it as you see fit :) tahtah sophie sophie
1) eerie horror flim scene with a person seeing a reflection of a huanted soul, a grandmother in her rocking chair,
or
2) the innocence of a memory tied into a delicate piece
I prefer the second thought, but the first is kind of cool. I liek it how it is, if you add to it, you'll ruin the mystery of it all, ruin it's magic. It's a very well written piece, sometimes the shortest ones are the best.
1) eerie horror flim scene with a person seeing a reflection of a huanted soul, a grandmother in her rocking chair,
or
2) the innocence of a memory tied into a delicate piece
I prefer the second thought, but the first is kind of cool. I liek it how it is, if you add to it, you'll ruin the mystery of it all, ruin it's magic. It's a very well written piece, sometimes the shortest ones are the best.
1) eerie horror flim scene with a person seeing a reflection of a huanted soul, a grandmother in her rocking chair,
or
2) the innocence of a memory tied into a delicate piece
I prefer the second thought, but the first is kind of cool. I liek it how it is, if you add to it, you'll ruin the mystery of it all, ruin it's magic. It's a very well written piece, sometimes the shortest ones are the best.
hm, i disagree with alot of these people...do not add to this piece! if they want more then they need to just read this one over and over, cause that's what i've done. you've painted a beautiful and peaceful picture in my mind, the only motion the rocking of the chair...adding to it will only end up taking away from it...distracting the reader from the object of the mirror. this is seriously freakin awesome.
hm, i disagree with alot of these people...do not add to this piece! if they want more then they need to just read this one over and over, cause that's what i've done. you've painted a beautiful and peaceful picture in my mind, the only motion the rocking of the chair...adding to it will only end up taking away from it...distracting the reader from the object of the mirror. this is seriously freakin awesome.
I like this one as is. It is about YOUR grandmother's mirror so who gives a damn what they say. They don't know anything about that mirror. I can see the setup of the room almost completely with the imagery that you provided. Good write. Brush the haters off!
I like this one as is. It is about YOUR grandmother's mirror so who gives a damn what they say. They don't know anything about that mirror. I can see the setup of the room almost completely with the imagery that you provided. Good write. Brush the haters off!
This piece I believe was for your own introspection. I have an ailing grandmother & I tried to take care of her but she was so mean & bitter and I'm so emotional I couldn't take it. I tried to bring art, creativity & beauty to her in these last days on this plane & she, in her own way, is uncapable of appreciating them or sharing in any appreciation. I love her always & this poem just made me think of her. Sorry I just gave you the War & Peace version... I think this would be good if added to but I think it's powerful in this form too. It's good it leaves the reader thinking and wanting more. Love, Peace, Joy!
This piece I believe was for your own introspection. I have an ailing grandmother & I tried to take care of her but she was so mean & bitter and I'm so emotional I couldn't take it. I tried to bring art, creativity & beauty to her in these last days on this plane & she, in her own way, is uncapable of appreciating them or sharing in any appreciation. I love her always & this poem just made me think of her. Sorry I just gave you the War & Peace version... I think this would be good if added to but I think it's powerful in this form too. It's good it leaves the reader thinking and wanting more. Love, Peace, Joy!
I think what everyone's trying to tell you is this piece is good, but it leaves us wanting more. Perhaps if it was part of a longer poem it would not seem so lacking in detail. The piece itself is written well, just give us more. Carol
I think what everyone's trying to tell you is this piece is good, but it leaves us wanting more. Perhaps if it was part of a longer poem it would not seem so lacking in detail. The piece itself is written well, just give us more. Carol
I think what everyone's trying to tell you is this piece is good, but it leaves us wanting more. Perhaps if it was part of a longer poem it would not seem so lacking in detail. The piece itself is written well, just give us more. Carol
It is fairly easy to imagine what you are writing, but you need more imagery and you need to describe details more. I like the general idea, but there is room for improvement. I agree, if you add some more reflection on the mirror, it can make the piece more powerful and stand out. An example being, what exactly does the grandmother see, seeing truth through the mirror? Explain her feelings and thoughts, but in poetic form, because from what I can tell so far, this piece does not have a very powerful poetic base. It was a decent effort, but you have to put more effort into the poem, and make it shine. Overall, not too bad of a job.
You have a good start, but the way in which you describe everything is rather dry. It seems more like reporting than poetry in this context. It is difficult to draw much from it under those circumstances.
I think the piece would improve with a little more reflection on the mirror.
This left me with a shivers up my back...it is like a scene from a horror movie...my only qualm, I think you could extend it a little...let the reader have more insight into the story...why does the mirror reflect only the truth...don't most mirrors? Why is this one particularly special because it is haunted your grandmother or because it shows her in the rocking chair? This is a great ending to a good piece now it just needs a beginning. At least this is my opinion...others may disagree. Rubi
This left me with a shivers up my back...it is like a scene from a horror movie...my only qualm, I think you could extend it a little...let the reader have more insight into the story...why does the mirror reflect only the truth...don't most mirrors? Why is this one particularly special because it is haunted your grandmother or because it shows her in the rocking chair? This is a great ending to a good piece now it just needs a beginning. At least this is my opinion...others may disagree. Rubi
Submission Name: My Grandmother's Mirror
