Your skin smells of crushed almonds
and sun filtered through palm fronds
I keep my eyes closed, anticipating
your touch, your closeness, luxuriating
in the softness of your breath on cheek
caressing as anticipation reaches a peak.
I whisper your name in a gasped song -
it tinkles on tongue and hangs on to lips
lingering for just a moment too long.
Leaning into your embrace I come to grips
with stark reality as I fall for a brief moment.
"You're not here", I think as I hit the pavement.
I've tried now for a couple of days to comment on this, but all I can think to say is "I like it" which does it no justice whatsoever, I am sorry. I felt I had to say something though because it has stayed in my mind and I keep coming back. Welcome to my faves. Frann. x
the rhyme is useful in this - and as I get to an end, I too feel like I hit the pavement. I wish I could add something more constructive to this besides 'I enjoyed this...' but I did enjoy it and do enjoy it. It feels good and is everything a dream lover is.
Very romantic intoxicating piece. Certainly not silly this poem. It is one of the best I have read so far. Great description about how you felt abou this " dream lover," kind of reminds me of an introducing poem into a love or romantic story.
This poem is a lot of things - passionate, delicate, evocative, eloquent...many beautiful adjectives (and silly is not amongst them)
"Your skin smells of crushed almonds"
Fantastic opening line....almonds have a very sweet smell, but after the second reading it also made me think of cyanide, which is said to have a bittersweet almond smell...how this illusion poisons you into believing she is more than merely a mirage...
"It tinkles on tongue and hangs on to lips"
Beautiful image here, but Im a little uncomfortable with 'tinkles on tongue' - you either need an article there, or make 'tongue' plural....
And your ending is, of course, striking...you build up such a delicate, loving string of images, threading each little colourful bead on a string..only to rip it in the end and watch the beads scatter on the ground....
Wistful, yet captivating...Im very glad I happened to find this poem...
oh, that is a painful ending, my friend. i was just tripping along reading the sensuality and then, bam, you hit that pavement hard... that's how i will feel when my love leaves me to go back home in a few days. we met on line here at Elite, she flew out a week ago, and it has been heaven ever since...
i love the beginning of this poem, with the smells and how you just close your eyes to revel in them.. very nice. i didn't really like the word "tinkle" on the tongue (it makes me think of pee, sorry). perhaps tingles...?
anyway, good to see you posting again. i hope you are well.
This doesn't really seem silly to me. It seems so sweet and romantic. Something you would write to you boyfriend/ girlfriend. It seems more of a highschoolish write. Sorry if that seems offecnsive to you. I got really into that though. It is good enough for me.
lol this is not silly at all, this way very enjoyable to read. The way you lure the readers with the jumping from surreality to reality is impressive. The ending just made me go "wow" lol. I liked the imagery, and it gave a good sense of romance, even though there really isn't any in reality. It reminds me of this one dream I had, but I won't get into that lol
Talk about snapping back to reality. I was so into it, that when I reached that last line, I felt as if I had just been slammed back into my body. I don't think it's silly at all. Also, "luxuriating", love that word. Sounds better than lusting.
i was enjoying the romantic piece then i fell to the pavement with you. That is a really clever device to draw the reader into self delution then snap back to reality. poems which mess about with reality/surreality are wonderful in that they get away from the poem as a pretentious and distancing artform. thanks for sharing thois, even if you think it is silly :) ellisa