Description: Sort of random, but do it with it what you want. I actually used a curse word in this, which I never do, but somehow it fit the mood, I guess. Anyway, enjoy! I'd love some feedback on this one
The stench of empty
Coffee mugs and
Dead conversation
Is vibrant in the
Dense air,
And the room shakes
From shifts of silent
Protest
As a greedy palm
Caresses her thigh.
His heavy breath
Drowns out her
Gasps for air,
Leaving outlines of
Faded fireworks
Between their lips.
For an entire second
Of real passion
He would promise her
Forever;
If only forever
Wasn’t so flawed.
In a single rotting
Moment
Star-crossed
Hearts,
Are nothing more
Than two bodies
Desperately searching
For heat
In a cold room,
Bleeding secrets in
Rhythm
Aroused by the
Echo of that
Fatally gorgeous
Lie.
So, through the
Night this romantic
Fuck persists,
And when it’s over
She’ll leave him
With tear stains
On her pillow
Because
Holding hands is
Just so powerless
you know, i've just read through your poetry, and i just have to say that you have got some talent, girl! those last two lines sent chills through my body! you definitely have a powerful way with words. if this was written from a true past experience, i am very sorry. so far, my experiences with this have not been good either. you have to learn to just "move on" and make better memories. if you look into what you've written here, i think you just might see the light. really take the time to do some introspective thinking. you'll be able to cure your mental ailments. great write. keep it up, girlie! *^_^*
I like this. Everyone always writes about sex as either something beautiful or something painful, but people tend to ignore this rather platonic state of it. Having sex because you're both there and there's nothing else to do. At least that's sort of what I understood it as. I like the fact that we know nothing about these people, but it's rather inferred that they don't live each other. I sort of get the idea of a prostitute who can't deal with the consequences of her career choice anymore. I don't know, but it is very well written. I like it a lot.
I like this poem! It's refreashing to read something that does not explain with slides what the exact meaning is! Who are these people? Is she being raped? Is she a hooker? How old is she? DON'T TELL ME! I need to read it again...thank you :)
i like it, no i love it...i don't have any comments so that you might improve this, because i see no improvement needed....definitely favorite material, nice job!
Wow, now that is interesting.. I like the different ways you used to describe something most people do.. Your metaphors are very eyebrow raising.. The image that story gives me is also kind of like romeo and juliet, but in todays world rather than then, whiich is the kind of thing that just doesn't really happen very often today.. Very nice wording throughout.. the only thing I didn't like is that with all the more expert working you still used a curse word, which in my opinion didn't really fit and kind of broke the heart of the poem right at the most crutial part..
Submission Name: Stains
