Description: I was in church and I was really bored. So I decided to practice my "forced" writing. So basically this came out of the blue. then again since I wish this would happen (well most of it), it wasn't nearly as hard to write as *Nature's Beauty*.
HI! and you are...? -------------------------------------------
I'm sitting alone in a classroom
When some guy unexpectedly walks in
I turn and say hi to him
But he doesn't know that I'm there
I seem to yell as he looks around
Standing by the door, in one spot
He seems to look my way
So I wave and give a shout
He still, for some reason,can't see me
So I just give up and watch
He sees noone and pulls off his shirt
Reaveling a six pec and rock-hard abs
For as fine as he was, I fell to my knees
Then he began to take off his pants
Once they hit the floor,
I was glad he couldn't see me
Then suddenly I realise "Oh crap man! I'm dead!"
yeah definitly a satire, the feeling of comedy and death, hmmm although it is funny i enjoyed reading but are we that horny once dead hmmm. i guess thats a clue we didnt make it to heaven, anyways, i've felt like that with a girl in my class, after class my girl comes up to me and says if you undress me again im telling lol thanks for the read
This piece seemed sort of like a fantasy of a young teenager gone awry. I like the shock at the ending, but the theme and the spelling within the piece put me off. Could use some more care within those areas.
hello, i am glad that i waited before making a visit to your page. had i done it earlier i think i would have ripped off your head and shat down your neck hole. but i did not. the thing is, you made a comment on a piece of mine. i took the time to write it, and post it, and you are the only commentator so far. so i was keen to see what interesting things this mystery person had to say. and this is what it was: ' it's uh... nice. Um... I guess I kinda fell what you sayin' but it's somewhat hard to follow what you mean. to fix that minor default I suggest that you write "no more" after the frist "and" in every stanza. I think that would if you're trying to say what I think you're trying to say. otherwise good job. :/ peace-out, Doe' so at this point i should have something to thank you for. buit what exactly is that. you have given me nothing in your comment. you have wasted my time and more importantly your own time. if i were to adhere to your 'suggestion,' then my poem would look like this: [with your insertions in brackets] 'No more scribbled words on coffee stained scraps of paper and musky cafe tables and toilet walls and vacant stares through windows through walls and picking fingernails and biting them and chewing pens
No more filtered vocals sung through popper stoppers and over [no more] silence of half burned cigarettes and ash burning through carpet and red wine bottles with a red wine glass and vodka bottles without a glass
No more plucking strings with calloused fingers to speak of wounded hearts and broken souls [no more] and muffled metallic chords echoing bed hair and insomnia through sound holes
No more languid drumbeats played in an underwater time signature with brushed snare drums [no more] and suffocated clicking of rims and feathered cymbals all comatose with introspection,
in need of new lyrics to old songs.'
now if you will pardon my ignorance that makes no fu-cking sense at all.
it would be good to take time and a little effort in your commentary. it will come back to you. and this will too if you continue with vacuous commentary. it would not take much; just an explanation of your thoughts and a little logic, something that should be well within your reach, and out of respect for others who put their time into this site and to other users.
and i thought i would post this as a comment on one of your pieces just to show what a pain in the ar-se it is to find nothing of relevance posted, add a few spelling mistakes to show my lack of care to attention and a few expletives to show that i can cry like a baby.