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    dots Submission Name: Construction Paperdots

    Author: EternitysLyre
    ASL Info:    20/M/Taiwan.
    Elite Ratio:    7.13 - 152/170/42
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1103


    If it doesn't make sense, well, I'm not going to elaborate.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConstruction Paperdots

    Tearing carefully
    Along the perforated edges
    (cut deep, to make it go by faster
    and leave less rough spots
    where bittsweer laughter may ambush

    rip,rip, rip-

    Like a smile
    Yet fainter than swansong
    (For it was easier than saying)
    And sweeter than the warmest of tears

    between emptiness and heartbreak

    The dotted outline
    Of a might'vebeen
    whisked away in the wind

    and somewhere, somewhere. .
    a dirtied, crumpled, cut-out
    [ -goodbye- ]
    s(weeps) across the sidewalk
    (because he couldn't.)

    Submitted on 2005-03-20 01:13:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Jonathan, this is a sad little poem you've written, deserving of much more attention than it received. I enjoyed it very much. It certainly does have some quirky attributes, but that's okay. The italics threw me off a bit, especially where you split the word "s(weeps)", until I looked a little closer, that is. The straight type is the analogy of tearing construction paper and sweeping it away. The italics are the real message, about you or someone you loved tearing away from the other and ending your relationship, possibly in a less than honorable way. But even if it were honorable, it was still painful.

    I think my favorite metaphor is the dotted outline of what might've been. That was choice, indeed.

    Very, very interesting, Jonathan. Nice job. mae
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      It's so funy, because the poem was hard for me to get through because I'm a simpleton, but it made me cry at the end, ...
    "a dirtied, crumpled, cut-out
    [ -goodbye- ]
    s(weeps) across the sidewalk
    (because he couldn't.)"
    I guess it was those lines because it reminds me of something very bad that I've been doing, it makes me so sad, because well, he just can't, and I don't want things to turn out this way. Well, thanks for writing, hope to see more from you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ]

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