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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Addictiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zyllion
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 171/117/20
    Words: 357
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 2632



    Description:
       I wrote this not all that long ago, and I really like the chorus (the bolded bits). Please tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAddictiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got the weed, the LSD, the drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from the addiction


    Pass me the bottle
    Chug it
    Once
    Twice
    Thrice
    Does it really matter how many times?
    Vodka, tequila
    Whatís the difference?

    Shake it, Shake it
    Mix me a drink
    And Iíll love you forever

    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got the weed, the LSD, the drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from the addiction


    Sit in a circle of chairs
    Pass it around
    Deep breaths
    Inhale
    Exhale
    Pass it along
    God dammit, pass it back

    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got the weed, the LSD, the drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from the addiction


    Too simple to get attached
    Too simple to get stuck
    I want more
    Iíll never be satisfied

    I watch them get stuck
    They canít become fixated
    Living solely for the next hit
    Living solely for the next drink
    I canít be like that

    But here I am

    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got the weed, the LSD, the drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from the addiction


    The first time I sat down to play
    It wasnít music
    It wasnít even
    It wasnít pretty
    But I stuck with it

    Inhale
    Exhale
    Chugging the entire bottle
    There is no true difference

    And now, no matter how hard I try,
    I canít stop

    Breathe in
    Breathe out


    The first time I sat down to write
    It wasnít a poem
    It wasnít a story
    It was a blob of nothingness
    Pure emotion
    No explanations

    I kept going
    Never stopping
    Do you know how difficult it is never to give in?
    Still, I stuck with it
    And now Iím an addict

    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got the weed, the LSD, the drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from the addiction

    Breathe in
    Breathe out
    Youíve got my weed, my LSD, my drugs
    Help me
    Save me
    Free me from my addiction




    Submitted on 2005-03-20 01:46:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Kind of straight forward, But I like it though. Good descritions but maybe a little more detail in them. So that people can connect with it more. This would make a good song though. Maybe the reason why it doesn't fully captivate me is because I've never really been addicted to anything. I am kind of a once in a while person.
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Lauren Guzman | [ Reply to This ]
      You definately got the message across
    I have been cured of a life of addiction by the sheer love of my family anfd friends and of course of My Lord
    Addiction is powerful and believe me i certainly know this but always remember to reach out as you did in this poem helps the healing process to cure you

    I hope that finding peace in your life as you are thru writing helps the healing process to begin


    Take Care
    Ron


    And thank you for your recent comments

    My writing is centered on my love of the Lord and how powerful his love in your life can be
    I am glad you enjoyed it and know comments like yours our helping me to heal and grow as a person
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The chours has a good flow to it. however the versus don't really have a set beat. as for the contint I understand where you are coming from and you mention the first time you wrote about the emotion, where is all that emotion now? it just seemed to me that in this song you weren't putting you heart on the line and thats what writing is expressing yourself. I can tell you have it in you but you didn't let go in this piece of writing/ lyrics. Don't get me wrong it was a good piece it just seemed to be lacking raw emotion it was there but it seemed to be masked in fear of what people might comment. Maybe i'm wrong and if i am please tell me but thats just what i noticed in this piece. well anyways you got it in you just let it shine and blow people away, make them cry, smile whatever just show them that you can minipulate what they're feeling by what you say!
    Hannah
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by Devils Angel | [ Reply to This ]


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