“Come in!” she screeched. So Peter opened the door, wincing as it whined on its hinges, and walked in. When he first saw the old lady he thought she was a broom. She was very thin and had a long wobbly nose. Her tall hat had a slight bend in the top and looked well worn. “What is it that you want? I won’t buy anything so don’t even try,” she screeched.
“I don’t want to sell you anything,” said Peter, “I just was wondering if you knew where I could find a Key.”
“Keeeeeyyyyyy? What Key are you looking for? There are all types! Long, short, twisted, smooth, there are many, many keys. You must be specific boy, don‎’t leave me hanging, what Key are you looking for?”
“I suppose one for a door, I large door I think.”
“Why didn’t you say that before? Gracious child, that really puts down the list. It would have taken days to look for any old key.” She remarked sarcastically, “Alright, I am going to tell you where to look but I want something in return. You look like a smart boy, you should know nothing comes without a price.”
“What is it you want? I don’t have any money.”
“I didn’t expect money from you, I want something different. I am in desperate need for a special ingredient to a potion I am working on. If I don’t get it soon, the potion will spoil so you will have to go quick,” she started to mumble to herself, looking around the room under piles of papers and upon shelves of old tattered books.
“Here!” she exclaimed. “My spell book! Let me just find the page…here we are. Okay, what you need to find is a special type of flower. It is commonly known as the Prism Rose because it can change color at will. Never under estimate the common flower I always say, it just may be more than common.”
Peter reached into his pocket and pulled out the flower, noticing it had changed from white to blue. Could this be the rose that she wanted? Worth a shot, he thought.
“Is this what you are looking for?” he said, as he showed her the rose.
“My good child, where did you find it? I never thought……..it couldn’t........never mind a bargain is a bargain. I’ll help you find your key. Go outside into my garden and look under the stone next to my swing beneath the big Oak tree. There will be a note under there, just take it and head on down the path to Mr. Gegon’s house. He should know where the key is.” The witch then turned from him and continued to stare at the perfect rose, seemingly undamaged from Peter’s troubles on the bridge. Strange, he thought, as he left the cottage and went out back to the garden.
Just as she had said, he found the stone and note. Peter left the small garden and went on down the path. It wasn’t more than a ten minute walk to Mr. Gegon’s house. He noticed that the sun had moved from its apogee to around 3:00 in the afternoon. Time was going by fast, and he would have to hurry. Mr. Gegon’s house was very unique, it had the uncanny likeness to a mushroom. Peter walked up and knocked on the door.
“What do you want?” someone said
“Who said that? Where are you?”
“Are you going blind or have you ever thought of looking down?”
Peter looked down to notice an orange tabby cat.
“Are you Mr. Gegon?” asked Peter.
“No, I am just some random cat who lives with him, what did you think? You kids are always so ignorant. Let me guess, you are looking for a key.”
“Yes, actually now that you mention it.”
“Alright, show me the note.”
Peter reached into his pant’s pocket and found the slightly crumpled piece of paper. He handed it to Mr. Gegon who eyed it suspiciously.
“Yup, this will do. I have the key you are looking for, but I am going to want something in return. You should know by now that nothing comes without a price.”
“Sir, I have no money, how am I to pay….”
“If you would just be quite and listen I would tell you. As you can probably guess, I am rather fond of fish. If you could manage to get hold of a nice fish, I might give you the key. If not, well that’s just too bad isn’t it? I would suggest going down to the river. If you ask the bridge troll he might be able to help you, just don’t get on bad terms with that guy. He can be a real pain when he wants to.”
| I think the story reminds me of a video game because it's like find one thing, bring it to the next person, trade it in for yet another thing that someone wants until you eventually get what you need. Also reminds me of a lot of traditional tales I have read. |
I like how a lot of the characters are real wiseasses. I laughed at the part about the witch and the way she greets Peter with all her screeching. Good imagery with the broom there.
I would say it's a bit contrived how the witch needs the flower and he just happens to have it in his pocket. I think it'd add more meat to the story if you made him go on a search for it.
And you switched scenes between the witches house and Gegon's house too quickly. I'm going to say this again, expand and add more details to really draw the reader into the scenery and the images. I did picture that witch really well though!
Anyway, heh, I'm kind of bashing this, but no no I think you're an awesome storyteller. Actually, I wouldn't bother commenting if I didn't like it. I want to see it polished and finished and I think it would be a really kickass story.
|| Posted on 2005-10-31 00:00:00 | by Astarael | [ Reply to This ] |