[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I have no Title for thisdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 434

       This is stupid I think but I am writning in response to my feelings for this guy who doesn't even know who I am.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI have no Title for thisdots

    I see you and I dream of you
    you don't even know my name
    you stare nonchalantly
    I wish I could do the same

    your face is completely burned into my eyes
    it is so hard to hold back and stay silent

    I see you
    my heart breaks so randomly
    I am in and out of pain, I guess this is what I am hurting from
    the uncertanty of this crush
    have you seen me?

    Submitted on 2005-03-20 13:32:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very cool, almost eerie. One of the ultimate in personal expression poems regarding the specific subject. It's deep and involved yet common enough that it can be easily related to.
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a sweet and short poem. I agree with Rain, the flow does seem to be a bit off. Now..for a title, could maybe be..."See Me?" or maybe.. "Hidden Lover" (A little cheesy, but its a suggestion) anyways, this was a good poem. Nice Job
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      well this is intersting, but good. um the flow seems somewhat off. um a good title might be "Do you?" but that's just a suggestion.
    good job and keep it up.

    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      this was something... I'm not sure what I feel about it at times I though it was amazing but at the same time the rhyme thing really took me off the path... I'm not a big fan of rhyming... I think you should extend this and maybe change the formate just a little ... but as an overall this piece was pretty good.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is true to life. It takes me back to high school and college with that cute guy in English looking at you during some dull lecture about William Blake or whatever. You're willing to pledge your undying love, but you just think he'd rather look at you than some obese middle-aged guy. It is very hard to be nonchalant in situations like that. I enjoyed this.

    Why not call it something like A Crush or Crushed?
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the confusion and almost bewilderment i sense coming from this poem. i have been in a similar situation, and like the way you relate your own
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by throughmyvoice | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Cover written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    untitled written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]