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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Back awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 256
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 568
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1637



    Description:
       Rough Draft. I know needs alot of work. Please comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBack awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Back away
    Today I could be mean
    Today I could be angry
    Back away
    Today I could be homicidal
    Today I could be suicidal
    Back away

    Today I walk alone
    I know no one cares.
    I try my best
    But your never satisfied
    Why would I come home
    when already stoned
    No one can get close to me

    Back away
    Today I could be mean
    Today I could be angry
    Back away
    Today I could be homicidal
    Today I could be suicidal
    Back away

    Stay away
    today Iím having a bad day
    and don't make me take it out on you.

    Back away
    Today I could be mean
    Today I could be angry
    Back away
    Today I could be homicidal
    Today I could be suicidal
    Back away

    Nothing can stop this knife
    Because Iím telling every one to back away.
    Because I feel mean
    I feel angry
    I feel homicidal and suicidal.

    I'm getting cold
    I'm running out of breath
    I'm clinching my fist
    letting the blood rush down to my wrist.
    Slicing my wrist
    spelling "not alone"
    Because some where out there is another kid just like me doing the exact same thing.
    Two days later I was found on the bathroom floor with note in my hand saying

    "Cutting isn't enough
    I'm going put the knife right though my wrist.
    These pills are my friend to.
    So this my farewell world I hate so much




    Submitted on 2005-03-20 13:57:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with black joker, i love the repition, i thinkn everyone feels like htis most times, with the back away i could b mean or angry, this was very good! i enjoyed it much!

    much love

    <3*DancingGirl*
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by DancingGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.i like this a lot.

    Back away
    Today I could be mean
    Today I could be angry
    Back away
    Today I could be homicidal
    Today I could be suicidal
    Back away

    i liked how u repeated this stanza throughout the write.it made it seem more interesting to read.good job!
    | Posted on 2005-03-20 00:00:00 | by black_joker1292 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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