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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Onedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gatita
    ASL Info:    25/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 26/31/9
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 322
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Onedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The one left behind
    Put on this back burner
    Just in case
    Will be the one you wish
    You put first

    The one standing
    In your shadow
    The one you only love
    In the dark
    Will be the one
    Who leaves you in the dark

    This one
    Will not settle for being settled for
    Or ignore being ignored
    This one
    Will not be the one
    For you anymore

    The one you thought
    You'd someday leave
    Will be strong enough
    To leave you

    The one you never thought
    Would be "the one"
    Will be the one
    That got away

    ...and the "one"
    that got away
    will be the "one"
    you wanted to keep




    Submitted on 2005-03-20 23:35:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well really it isn't bad but i do think it needs more thought and more thought on word choice but really, that is the kind of person i am, Details! I would also add in a little more feeling. But all in all not bad at all.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Heather12 | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm a big fan of your style (lol, maybe because it reminds me of my own!). you have great use of alliteration, and there is a structural and grammatical redundance you seem to use that, in my opinion, adds focus to your words.
    another good write. and i disagree with heather...details detract from poetic emotion...don't change a thing.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, I am hae been in this situation so I can relate Nice Job it flowed well and kept a solid subject you never got on a tangent about specific incidence I struggle with that sometimes. Nice Poem.
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Very deep poem, gives you a lot to think about. I felt like it was a story about different people, different cases that happen all the time. These are truths that we don't think about that much sometimes, because sometimes, maybe we feel like we're really sure of what we have or think, but sometimes people can react differently and surprise us, but we never really realized. Great poem, maybe needs help in the structure, but still, it's not a big deal, so it's good anyways!
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by April0414 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it i thought it was AWESOME...i think im going to add it to my favorites...but i think you should add a little more detials too...
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by schemingdevil22 | [ Reply to This ]



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