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    dots Submission Name: "IN YOUR PANTS OR MINE"dots

    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2043
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1165

       this is soooo me, I hope this goes over a littlew better than the last.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"IN YOUR PANTS OR MINE"dots

    Some are big. Some are small.
    Some are hairy. Some are bald.
    Some are just so nice.
    Others can ruin your life.

    Some are tight. While others just right.
    Some you notice are loose.
    But you don't mind cause sometimes you booze.
    Some you must pay to play. Some haven’t bathed today.
    Some are puffy. Some are scruffy.
    Some you laugh about with your buddy.
    Some you can make do tricks.
    Like a tootsie roll pop give it a few licks.
    Some you desire to explore some more.
    And others have that look
    that many have been here before.
    Some can look kind of funny.
    And some can make you act like a big dummy.

    I just thought I'd take some time and ahhhhhhhh…....
    Talk a little bit about the vagina…
    The humor and truth I hope you find;
    Whether it’s in your pants or in mine.
    And to stay on the fence.
    So no one takes offense.
    Especially all you chicks.
    I just as well could have been talking about dicks.

    L A M E M A N S T E R M S

    Submitted on 2005-03-21 09:18:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    this is hilariously brilliant
    artfully ridiculously true
    a simple, if slightly skewed, tribute to that thing that all you men seem to want and then talk so bad about later
    but then, us girls do that too
    this is just so well done,
    the only thing i would change is
    "And others have that look
    that many have been here before."
    "And others have that look
    like many have been here before."
    just seems to flow better i think

    good job
    | Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      Sheer brilliance, LT.

    I love the *ahem* versatility of this piece. It could have been about anything, especially something dirty because... come on. Those adjectives always make me think dirty thoughts. ;)

    We need more humor here on ES. People take themselves too seriously and it's pieces like this that humble us all.

    Thanks for making me smile,


    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, this is pretty funny. I can't say toomuch bevause I am not really a perverted type, but it definitely made me laugh. God rhyming and I love the ending.
    take care,
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      hehe...i love when people write stuff like this it adds a little random humor to all the teen writing...death writing...depressed writing...i hate my life writing...which yeah we all write but its noice to have some humor thrown in ever once in awhile...though some people take offense to stuff like this...i think its funny...though i guess i have twisted humor...write what ya want...but anywho...purps
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I had a blast reading this piece haha. I seriously thought you were talking about dicks. This was a very interesting, provocative read ;). It was very midleading, but it made the poem even more fun to read. You have a dirty yet imaginative mind haha. I read your "Cartoon Gigolo" before, and you do have talent, in the most interesting of ways. I cannot wait to read your other works, you have definitely captured my attention, friend.

    Very nice job
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      well i'm not going to leave a long ass comment on this as i usually would, because it already takes long enough to get to the bottom of this page. I just had to say, again, your f*ckin' hilarious and of course you can write about anything just perfectly ...blah, blah blah.
    same old [censored] i always say....
    i like that you pointed out all these...differences,
    it reminds me of a margaret cho joke.... she says something about dicks being like snowflakes and how they're all different.
    on a side note, i think if it were a cocktale...haha....it would be slightly different. i knew right away what it was about and i've only seen mine and well...a few others up close and personal....
    i'll just leave you with that.
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      hey man this is a funny poem. Got me thinkin. I had an idea of what you were talkin about with just the title but was amazed it was something else. keep it up well the writting.
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      As usual I got quite a kick out of this...like you once said, I look for the ones with sex in the title..and you certainly never disappoint me.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by deepinthought | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this... it has this inherent immaturity, but not immaturity in the bad connotation (like, oh, you're so immature), but in the literal sense, as in the sense of wonder and exploration that a young man has about the vagina. Splendidly rendered. There were a couple of lines that were syllabically long, but aside from that, I can't see a thing to change.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      lol you could actually combine this to talk about d!cks. i thought thats what you were talking about in the beginning stanza.
    anyway, yeah, youre a perv lol
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      It never stops amazing me how many sexual things that you write about. I seriously haven't read anything of yours that has nothing to do with sex. This is something that you definately wouldn't really expect to go either way, but when you think about it...you do present the truth. I can't quite figure out the rhyme scheme though. Maybe there isn't even supposed to be one, I don't know. It's nice to know that you can converse so freely about your reality. Now, I could be talking about the chicks you've had or your dick. But to answer the question, I say go in both and have double the fun! (sorry, it's one of those days...) Overall, I think that it was a nice write. I see way too many serious writes on here(yes, mine are included in that) so it's kind of nice to see something that still has some humour to it. It's nice to see a big step onto the originality side of things, there are way too many things written about love, etc., but I guess that's what we all know. I guess all that's left to say is awesome write.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by PalmyNv | [ Reply to This ]
      clever, yes it was a genuine misleading poem. nice write. full of that familiar imagery that everyone can relate to. nice flow of rhythm, takes one back to the simple form of writing that is always effective and plays beautifully in the humor of this poem. the second stanza to the last seems kind of forced for you. you have a good flow going and then you come upon

    Some you desire to
    Some have the look that
    Many have been here before.

    just a small suggestion to express that last line in fewer words that compliments the flow. But once again i enjoyed your humor and will be looking forward to more of your creative work...nice job
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
      l.t., thank you so much for making me laugh today! i do love the light hearted writes sometime and today hit the spot...btw, how was clint yesterday?

    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by pestiferous | [ Reply to This ]
      hey man
    i havnt commented on something for a while and im not a gd commenter in general but i'll try my best. it's nice to hav some humour on this site. most of the things i come across are depressing and bring bak awful memories, i no its gd to write about them but still... they've influenced too many of my writings! but then again they say tht a happy person has no story ... which is another reason why this is so gd. this was an honest and humourous write. i needed a gd laugh after the day i've had. i agree wiv ellisa about being more open (and loving sex 69 ). but i tink tht the younger generations seem to b a bit more comfortable with tlking about sex these days (considering thts its practiaclly evrywhere now) and it all strts wiv those crude jkes u hear in the bak of the playgroud behind the girls toilets :p
    so anyways ...nice write, i liked it. and for those ppl tht will find this gross - they hav no sense of humour. we all need to lighten up on here :p especially me. ;
    so laters dude,
    keep writing, take care
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Clementina oso | [ Reply to This ]
      Am i sick for loving this?! lol, ive been studying all day and this has just lightened the load.
    if youre interested, im doing an assignment on english language and the lecturer has left in lame jokes about the Sanskrit root 'pard' translated into english...which is of course (drumroll) 'fart'- how hilarious.
    anyhow yes, i enjoy your frankness my friend, so refreshing. I mean no one talks about things like sex openly without being stigmatized. i wish we did, then things like STI's would be sooo much easier to explain to the kids that need to know, and far fewer twelve year olds would be getting pregnant. im not saying that we should be looser...just more...open, god whatever i say sounds wrong now!
    Im not afraid to say it...i love sex, there you go...and im sure that more people would be having more fun if they could talk about it and say 'not there, here...' more often. sorry if this shocks anyone...but you gotta get in the know. 'Your pants or mine' - thats great, like your shoes or mine?' yip, very humerous. more so than any old english related 'fart' joke, thanks for that. see you.
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]

    I cracked up when I read this one. I cant complain at all, which I am sure you are as grateful for as I am. See what you did here? You said, "Big, small, hairy, bald, old, new, used, fresh, lovely or stinky (okay maybe not stinky lol), you love them all." You made fun of something that you actually care about/want. This is great and I am satisfied now. (that couldnt have sounded more wrong considering the subject). You came straight forward with the humor and the lust in this one. I like it alot.
    And is it just me, or does it seem that a lot of women seemed to really enjoy it?

    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee hee heee hee hee...you know I love ya LameMan. This is done in true LameMan style, unashamed, innocent ( like the inner workings of the 7th grader that still resides in all men), and just fresh and funny. You never try to be what you are not with flowery words and a thesaurus in your grip- you just put it. I like that 7th grader inside of men. I think if women could remind themselves that really that is where men are coming from when they do some of the things they do, like ogle, and catcall, and act naughty from time to time
    we would find more humor and endearment in those behaviors rather than take offense. I try and apply those ideas to my husband when he is acting up, and it takes off alot of the pressure. We are all this way, women too. Now maybe I will write a penis poem. Because I too, like on1eday, can remember the first member I saw...and felt, and gripped and wow...sometimes we just need to lighten up. Keep em' coming_ Love Mags
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      K. This was fun though pretty clear from the start where you were going with it. There's just one thing that I can see to bring to your attention

    Wether should be Whether

    Aside from that, the rhymes are tight, the topic is fun/funny and this is what it is and it's light and silly and immature and and and and

    it works!

    thanks for the grin
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      haha this is hilarious! but you know... at first i did think you were talking about d*cks... so yeah, you kind of caught me off guard. but other than that, yeah it was cool, it made me laugh. tricky, tricky lmt!
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL, Palmy...the Doctor never wrote this good! Hahaha! You weren't kidding L.T. this sooo you. Now, if you don't mind...I'm off to the mirror to decide where I rank according to this.

    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you are a six year old trapped in a body that is as old as you are.

    how old are you?

    and that is not to be taken as offense.

    i think we should all be who we are, nothing more, nothing less, but i woild have to say that i relate because there are many things in life that i have to be or i am serious about.
    and i need something as a foil to this.

    like this.

    this makes me want to be there again when i first saw a vagina,
    [though i had to show my dick to earn the right, mine was the middle sized of the three,
    but the boy who had the bigger mamba was much older than me,
    and when you are a kid, age matters]
    it was fu-cking sweet.
    i was not old enough to spank one off over it, but had i been it would have been in the memory bank for years.

    so it is what it is.
    and i remember what it is like.
    and still act like it from time to time to most of the time.

    take care
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]

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