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    dots Submission Name: The Queen of Heartsdots

    Author: Dipsomniac
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 59/70/18
    Words: 287
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1784

       This was written on inspiration from a random comment by a friend about a flamengo and a queen of hearts. Read into it all you like, or don't read into it at all.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Queen of Heartsdots

    Just a minute, wait right there
    There’s something you must see
    A tall and dark and ominous bear
    Climbing up that tree

    From up on high he surveys all
    And bids them to his will
    And from up on high he’ll never fall
    At least while the world is still

    But along came an odd fellow
    A flamengo he was, of sorts
    And in his arms he carried along
    A queen of hearts in shorts

    And in the eyes of this lovely queen
    Shined silver, green, and blue
    Her pupils were quite dialated
    And around her songbirds flew

    High on life, and perhaps some crack
    And maybe a beer or two
    She was always happy, always lovely
    And ready to drink more, too

    Up to the tree the duo went
    And singing all the way
    The bear, greatly disturbed was he
    And thought “These two will pay.

    The have disturbed my forest life
    And all my forest slaves
    I will climb down and have their heads
    And personally mark their graves!”

    And so the bear scrambled down
    In anger, rage, and wrath
    Roaring loudly and drooling much
    Climbed down to begin a bloodbath

    What he did not know and did not see
    Was what she hid from view
    Under her pretty shorts she kept
    A loaded Colt or two

    With a swift movement the gun came out
    In a flurrish of sweetness and grace
    And off she fired all the rounds
    Into the ugly bear’s face

    Dead he lay, stiff as stone
    And cold as one was he
    All he had was no longer his own
    It all belonged to she

    Submitted on 2005-03-21 19:57:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Bizzare and intriguing writes - Im really starting to get into your work. I love the whole Lewis Carrol/Willy Wonka, acid fuelled childhood themes in all your work. Reminded me a bit of that Rohl Dahl red riding hood, where she blows away the wolf with a magnum. Ahem. If I went on I'd just be repeating what others have said, but keep up the original and slightly twisted work, amigo. I'll keep on reading.
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Von Django | [ Reply to This ]
      This is strangely compelling...I sort of had the feeling it was about infidelity? but I'm only guessing, at one stage I thought it was about Bill Clinton! LOL. Nicely done, in a sing-song way, but I can't read your hidden meanings (if there are any) I just suspect this is very, very good...well done, be happy
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Rain, this is a very very amusing piece.
    "High on life, and perhaps some crack
    And maybe a beer or two
    She was always happy, always lovely
    And ready to drink more, too"

    Thats my favorite stanza, made me laugh. Esepcially the first line, lol. This was a good one, nice job
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool. This is a really nice piece, well actually I found myself a little amused. Seeing how the bear was king of his mountain only to be shot down and his throne taken by the Queen of Hearts. You did a wonderful job with your imagery and flow. Although there was on place were one word threw off the flow and rhythm.

    And so the bear scrambled down
    In anger, rage, and wrath
    Roaring loudly and drooling much
    Climbed down to begin a bloodbath

    Right here, the bloodbath just doesn't fit. Maybe you could find a different word that keeps the rhythm flowing.
    Keep up the great work. Hope to here read more of your work.

    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      FAscinating, indeed, in your fashion, as your fashion always is bizarre ans comical...that's a good thing. Like the twist of cruelty and satire, of what , i don't know. Interesting how you inverted the queen and flamingo's roles, for in the place of her origin, it was she who held the flamingo, and was quite a moody type, more of the kind that would have others do things for her, than do them herself, but perhaps this change came about with the crack, life and alcohol. Good job, as usual.
    | Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by beninbrasil | [ Reply to This ]

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